Abridged Daily News Columnists

Stu Byokfsky: “After sentencing, I cornered Mendte for a brief, exclusive chat.” Did he say anything interesting? Of course not. What is interesting is that Larry Mendte’s wife (Dawn Stensland) said Mendte’s August “apology” where he went on and on about how he boinked Alycia Lane and Stensland read his emails to find out and oh my God it was maybe the creepiest, weirdest press conference since Bud Dwyer inspired “Hey Man Nice Shot” by Filter. Ha ha, Filter! Anyway, I think I got off track there. Stensland said that apology was sincere and “got twisted in the media.”

Stu Bykofsky is all like, “Well of course he’s sorry, he got caught!” which is probably true.

Elmer Smith: Hey, remember that Fort Dix terrorism trial over in New Jersey? As usual, the only terrorists our government is competent enough to catch are ridiculously incompetent ones who allegedly thought shooting up an army fort would be a good idea.

More importantly, this column contains a pot joke. Can you spot it? Think of this as a stoner version of Where’s Waldo? And actually more importantly, these kinds of ridiculous informant deals and dumb pointless prosecutions have been going on in the drug war for decades. Who thought the government would wage the war on terror any better?

John Baer: Ha ha, the economy is in shambles and nobody even knows why! But they’re just going to pump more and more money into fixing it even if it doesn’t work — even if we don’t know if it has any chance of working — because, well, that’s how we do things here in America. Duh.