Yes, we’re all really excited around here for tonight’s Game 5 1/2, which will hopefully be the final 3 innings of this year’s World Series. But around the country? Well, nobody’s really paying attention.
Not all of this is the fault of either the Phillies or Rays. The national media decided this series wasn’t important to cover before it even started, the games are starting at almost 9 p.m., the coverage on Fox can only possibly detract from the game. But it’s not just that; Rays-Phillies just isn’t just the prime time matchup people wanted. A friend of mine from college said the rain delay discussion was the most exciting part of this year’s World Series so far.
The Phillies are only three outs away from winning the World Series, and nobody outside Philadelphia is paying attention.
Some people might not like that idea, but the more I think about it the more perfect I realize it is. Philadelphia sports fans haven’t won a title in 25 years. But instead of becoming viewed as a fan base of lovable losers — like Boston pre-2004 or the Cubs now — Philadelphia fans are known as boorish and hate-filled, frequently vilified by columnists too lazy to come up with something other than an incident when fans threw snowballs at Santa. Yes, Philadelphia fans frequently have to listen to criticism due to an event that happened before man had walked on the moon.
But right now, nobody in the country cares about Philadelphia fans. Nobody’s paying attention to us for what could be our finest hour. All the Phillies have to do is outscore the Rays over three innings and the Phillies win the World Series.
As you may remember, last year the 76ers had quite the season; they finished 2 games under .500, returned to the playoffs (this is the NBA, after all) and took 2 games from the Pistons in the first round. Then, this offseason, the 76ers not only signed Elton Brand but cut a lot of the deadweight off the roster. A bench with Royal Ivey, Kareem Rush, Theo Ratliff and Donyell Marshall instead of Kevin Ollie et al? Um, yes, sign me up.
(Side note: I actually went here and looked up who was on the 76ers bench last season. The 76ers traded Rodney Carney and Calvin Booth to the Timberwolves; they’ve actually signed Kevin Ollie as well. The rest of the guys on the bench? Herbert Hill, Shavlik Randolph, Louis Amundson. Ha, ha.)
But don’t sign me up for tickets to the season opener, because that’s tonight at the Wachovia Center. (That Daily News story is headlined “Sixers president/GM Stefanski set dominoes in motion for new-look team,” yet another quick, witty headline the Daily News sports section is best known for.) The game has been moved up to 6 p.m., even, due to the baseball game.
And, so, the Phillies are now just 2 half-innings, a God Bless America/seventh inning stretch combo, and 4 more half-innings away from a World Series title. Natually, then, it’s time for the Broad Street Review to complain about baseball’s current playoff system.
BSR Editor Dan Rottenberg’s writes about the old days of baseball, where there were eight teams in each league and the one with the top record moved on to the World Series. Then the league added some teams in the 60s — such a turbulent era in every aspect of American life! — and eventually split into divisions. And now it’s the two teams with the top record in each league don’t get to meet in the World Series anymore! This means the Phillies’ possible impending World Championship isn’t as awesome as it would have been in, say, 1950, when baseball was real and black players were a newfangled introduction to the sport.
A group of Penn kids had a bad experience at the McDonald’s at 40th and Walnut the other night. This happens nearly every night, because when drunk kids from North Jersey and Long Island meet night shift workers making somewhere around minimum wage, no good things can happen.
Thanks to this being our modern era of technology, the Penn kids then made a group on Facebook imploring students to boycott McDonald’s. (It’s a well-known fact that nearly any event can lead Penn kids to boycott something, no matter how slight the offense.)
Wharton sophomore Keith Williams, who witnessed the incident, explained that he and a group of friends entered the McDonald’s that morning so his friend, a College junior who did not wish to be included in the article, could use the restroom.
The security guard told them that the friend was not allowed to use the restroom until he ordered food. The student proceeded to order a meal, Williams said, but the cashier made a mistake and needed an override from the shift manager.
Because the friend had already complained about the service, the manager on duty “deliberately told [the cashier] to take her time,” explained Williams. When he complained again, the security guard jumped in and began threatening the students.
The guard said things like “don’t make me take you out of here,” and referred to the rest of the customers as “stupid school kids,” Williams said. The cashier also screamed at the students for standing too close while trying to read the menu, Williams added.
Ha ha, I know what you’re thinking: This is the greatest McDonald’s of all time and it is totally worth eating their disgusting food to support it. Apparently, though, the McDonald’s caved to the record 17 (!!) complaints about its service and fired some people. For shame, McDonald’s.
And shame on the Daily Pennsylvanian, too, for using the phrases “a College junior who did not wish to be included in the article” and “a College sophomore who witnessed the incident but wished to remain anonymous for fear of repercussions.” Look, the least you can do is write these peoples’ names, so we can more easily mock them online.
Here’s a press photo of the new Pepsi logos; yes, they are all full of hope and change and tax hikes for the rich.
Sierra Mist will apparently soon be marketed as a hangover tonic, hence the blurry “mist” logo that makes me feel like I need new glasses. I have no idea what this “mtnDeW” product is, but I assume it lowers your sperm count.
The current issue of Phillymag features the region’s top single men and women posing for gorgeous photographs and has a bunch of articles about why these people are our top bachelors and bachelorettes.
Ha, ha, just kidding, it features a bunch of random people who appear to have been chosen due to their ability to make the photoshoot. Jamison Uhler gets bonus points since he was a Daily News Sexy Single last year.
But nothing is better than the hobby of one Hilary Regan, a “sustainable marketing consultant for Domani Developers.”
Know what’s a more fun hobby than keeping casinos off the waterfront? Gambling.
Here’s a video taken by some liberal activists outside a John McCain rally in Pottsville. (This was helpfully posted to Young Philly Politics by a user named “journalists4mumia.” Ha, ha!)
And — surprise! — people at a political rally are dumb and say dumb things. “Bomb Obama!” doesn’t even really make any sense. But the best quote is, naturally, “I don’t want to sound racist, but I don’t want a black man running my country.” Oh, now that’s just fantastic.
Ugh, come on, Daily News, now you’re just getting silly. First you come up with a new superhero and reference your long line of awesome superhero columnists you don’t do anymore, making everyone upset. Now, this headline.
And apparently the whole point of the column is to have people email in stories so the readers do all the work. Actually, that part I kind of understand. That’s the part of this feature that makes the most sense.
Anyway, the headline: Boooooo. Phrankly, I really can’t even comment on the use of “bephore.”