Abridged Daily News Columnists

Elmer Smith: I just woke up. (Whoops!) I read this column three times and my eyes glazed over. You’re going to have to do this one yourself if you’re interested, especially since I still have Jill Porter and Christine Flowers to get to.

Jill Porter: Jill Porter’s doggy is sick. Sad! One can only hope the writing about her dog is not so popular that her columns turn into the next Marley & Me.

Christine Flowers: Oh, no, it’s a Christine Flowers column headlined, “One tiny vote for John McCain.” It’s going to be about abortion! I bet people who murder abortion doctors will even find it annoying. Hold on I gotta read it.

Eh, it was more pointless than boring, and Flowers wrote lies as usual — she might as well have just written that Obama was going to force abortions on every woman, that would have at least been entertaining — but it’s not like the Daily News cares about printing the truth or anything. Yawn.