Heroin Dealers You Can Believe In

Hey, kids, do you like Barack Obama? Probably, at least a little, this site’s demo skews young and nobody under 35 even knows who John McCain is. And do you like heroin? Well, no, probably not, if you’re reading this site you most likely prefer your opiates in convenient pill form. But no matter. If you like narcotics and you like Barack Obama, do I have a drug dealer for you!

Authorities in Wilkes-Barre found 240 heroin packets stamped with “OBAMA 09″ and a likeness of Barack Obama during a raid last week.

Police said [some arrested person] also used the residence at 302 Hazle Ave., Wilkes-Barre, where the heroin packets stamped “OBAMA 09″ were found in the basement, Noonan said.

“I’ve never seen a stamp like that before,” Frank Noonan [of the state attorney general's office] said. [...] “Once you have a heroin customer, you have a daily customer,” Noonan said, adding that heroin is more addictive than other illegal substances.

Noonan said there is an increase of heroin trafficking in the Wyoming Valley due to demand.

Don’t quotes like that just make you love American hard news writing? I know that’s what it does to me. Anyway, yes, heroin you can believe in, change to Barack Obama-brand heroin, hope your next shot of it isn’t your last, etc. Did I get them all? I think I did. If anybody wants to stamp Sarah Palin’s face on some bricks of cocaine I have a bunch of “original team of mavericks” jokes to make, too.

Police: Three-town trafficking ring shut down [Times Leader via Philly EDGE]