Philadelphia Will Do  

Horrifying Lottery Mascots Terrorize Gallery

Philly Edge points to the horrifying mascots for Quinto, the Pennsylvania Lottery’s new twice-daily pick five game. The lottery is drawing some flak for them — but from anti-gambling advocates, not parents’ groups worried about the five giant penises walking around.

The phallic phive (obviously they need a nickname) apparently visited 10th and Market on Sept. 2; there is a whole gallery of awkward-looking gallery shoppers wondering, “Why are there, oh, I don’t know, five giant penises advertising for the lottery?”

I believe the protesters against a Gallery casino will be very successful if they dress up like this. Either way, though, there’s still gonna be gambling on Market East.

More images after the jump.

Clearly, the mascots had no idea what to do with their hands and somehow settled on “We’re #1.”

The expression on #4’s face is incredibly creepy. I think these things are what Teletubbies become when they grow up.

And is anyone surprised this doofus is a Mets fan? Okay, glad we’re all on the same page here.

Oh, I see, it’s supposed to be five fingers. The lottery’s new mascots are severed fingers. Who knew we would one day yearn for the simpler era of Gus, the second most-famous groundhog in Pennsylvania. (Note: That makes him still rather unknown. A comment on Yahoo! Answers: “Punxatawny [sic] Phil is THE groundhog and has been for many years. Never heard of Gus.”)

Like the department stores on Market Street of old, patrons of the Gallery dress in their finest attire when shopping.

  1. dmac Says: Sep 25 3:02 PM

    Also: No Gus dolls? A travesty. Solution: Does the state own the copyright to Gus? They could have him do a tourism campaign. People actually like him, and for a character on TV all the time he’s not horribly annoying. He’s certainly more palatable than, say, Tony Kornheiser. It’s a win for everyone.

  2. Joe Says: Sep 25 3:26 PM

    Gus, unlike Kornheiser, is more annoying on radio. Chris Wheeler is annoying on both.

  3. HIG Says: Sep 25 6:28 PM

    The PA Lottery Commission owns Gus. They paid upwards of $100,000 to have him designed and built. On the Gus commercials, there is a team of five operators and a stylist. You’ll be seeing plenty of Gus in future “Keep on Scratchin’” commercials.

  4. I’m Not Bored Anymore » Post Topic » I think those are supposed to be fingers? Says: Sep 26 11:12 AM

    [...] another reason to hate Philadelphia, these Philadelphian Phallic Phigures are their new lottery mascots. Go [...]

  5. Mascot Creation Gone Awry - U.S. Politics Online: A Political Discussion Forum Says: Sep 26 11:28 AM

    [...] Creation Gone Awry Meet the new mascots for the Pennsylvania lottery! __________________ "Compassionate Conservatism"?!?! That is a stupid phrase. [...]

  6. Weapons of Ass Destruction | Says: Sep 26 11:35 AM

    [...] Lottery Mascots [...]

  7. lalahsghost Says: Sep 26 11:46 AM

    These mascots look like penises, not fingers.

  8. furiousball Says: Sep 26 11:56 AM

    #8 is girthier

  9. Chim Says: Sep 26 12:10 PM

    gee, lalahsghost…ya think??

  10. Stiffy McBallsy Says: Sep 26 12:11 PM

    I don’t know about you, but I always found the prospect of winning the lottery somewhat stimulating. These pinkies are right in line with the consequences, would you not agree!

  11. dave hall Says: Sep 26 12:15 PM

    Hopefully nobody named Rosie wins any major prize with this promotion.

  12. kevjohn Says: Sep 26 12:16 PM

    They should have people kiss the mascot while they take the pic.

  13. Fun Meme Humor Says: Sep 26 12:33 PM

    Pennsylvania Lottery Mascots - What Were They Thinking?…

    Pennsylvania Lottery Mascots - What Were They Thinking?…

  14. Snowflakes in Hell ยป Lottery Officials in Pennsylvania On Drugs? Says: Sep 26 2:48 PM

    [...] Gus the talking groundhog was creepy enough, but now apparently the Pennsylvania lottery is promoting one of thier new games with giant walking phalli. [...]

  15. MC Confrontation Says: Sep 26 3:10 PM

    Dear Readers,

    I actually LIKE the mascots!


    Fags and Sluts (and Met fans)

  16. Calviin Says: Sep 26 3:25 PM

    Someone should find out where they Quito mascots are going next, get four friends and five vagina costumes and just go hang out, if only to drive the point home further.

  17. Eduardo Says: Sep 26 5:09 PM

    This looks like some sort of misguided public health campaign:

  18. Homeboy Says: Sep 26 6:19 PM

    A simple smile is creepy? Pervert.

  19. Ben Says: Sep 27 2:52 AM

    Well, at least you can say that the marketing worked.

  20. epic failures in marketing « The Church of the Apocalyptic Kiwi Says: Sep 28 8:50 PM

    [...] via Philadelphia Will Do: “Horrifying Lottery Mascots Terrorize Gallery“ [...]

  21. Shiro Says: Feb 27 8:37 AM

    These are hilarious. And when I think about it, is it better to have five severed fingers wandering the streets? LOL

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