Abridged Daily News Columnists

Ronnie Polaneczky: Holy shit, Ronnie Polaneczky wants to the city to charge the Wilson Goode aide who held up the Fox 29 are racist sign with a ethnic intimidation. She wants Latrice Bryant to go to jail!

While Bryant didn’t use a noose, burning cross or swastika in her handmade message, she implied that a TV reporter belonged to a group that routinely uses these symbols to intimidate blacks and other minorities. If that kind of hate speech doesn’t constitute an act of ethnic intimidation, the law ain’t worth the paper it’s printed on.

In her next column, I bet she’ll call for the imprisonment of the guy who played the Soup Nazi.

Michael Smerconish: Ha ha, Michael Smerconish discussed a poll about race on his radio show and people called up and told him that, yes, indeed, they hate black people.

Take Linda, for instance. She told me the word “violent” describes most black people, and cited the lifestyle choices and irresponsibility that has “permeated their culture.”

“First is when they chose the welfare program over marriage. Second, when they embraced this idea that if you’re black and do well in school, you’re a white wannabe. And third is when they embraced gangsta rap . . . There are more, but they are the three main things that ruined the blacks, and they don’t want to admit it,” Linda told me.

Yes, the number three problem in the black community today is most certainly rap lyrics. Rap more like crap am I rite???

Stu Bykofsky: Stu wrote about online commenters in the paper today, and even references the Karen Heller column about commenters that referenced me.

It’s Christmas morning and Santa brought me everything I asked for and more. What an incredible trio of columns. I’ve been doing this feature for damn near three years, and this is the best day of Daily News columns I’ve ever read. I don’t even think it’s close.

Stu takes Heller’s cute closing line and puts it into practice, asking the paper to print everyone’s real name. When told that won’t happen, he says to scrap ‘em entirely. In the comments, there are comments bashing Dan Gross, which is the average Philly.com commenter’s third favorite pastime after racism and misspellings.

Heller wrote: “The blog ‘Philadelphia Will Do’ has noted that Philly.com is among the most racist sites in the region, due to the verbal waste of our posters.” Aw, thanks, guys, you hadn’t mentioned me in forever! I do fear the attention will have the cops hauling me off to prison any day now after receiving a tip from Polaneczky.