Abridged Daily News Columnists

Fatimah Ali: Aww, it’s so cute how people still read Drudge Report, probably while listening to the Spice Girls. Everyone’s favorite columnist was linked on Drudge recently and got a bunch of racist responses from people on the Internet. Then wrote a column complaining about it. The most impressive thing, though, is she somehow got the Daily News to print all of this.

Update: Thanks to Chrissmari for noticing the best line of this column; I read over it even though I peruse these Daily News columns ’til they’re summarized as succinctly and accurately as possible.

I hate violence, but I do see a growing wave of intolerance sweeping the nation. And most of the responses were hostile, like one from someone who identified himself as Dennis Van Pelt: “Obama runs like a porch monkey in Alabama during a KKK concert.” But, not all white Southerners feel like Dennis. Russ Nelson wrote: “I am a white male who was proud to cast my vote for Barack Obama in the Alabama state primary. He inspires me!”

Nelson sounds more like the liberal whites I grew up with in West Mount Airy, a community that pioneered integration in Philadelphia and kept me wearing rose-colored glasses. I didn’t personally experience racism until I was 40, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

This is way less accurate than any comment about a race war if Obama loses.

Elmer Smith: Oh, look, it’s about the SEPTA subway attack and the second-straight poll from that magazine that may or may not actually exist that ranks Philadelphia last in attractiveness among 25 cities.

Ronnie Polaneczky: Somebody got robbed, the cops responded to two burglar alarms but nobody was ever caught. Hey, shoulda put up a note instead of telling the newspaper.