Things Are Tough All Over

There is one good thing about having the summer end when you’re 25: I don’t have to go back to school! Ha ha, you stupid kids get the summers off, but at least we adults (or, in my case, “adult”) don’t have to spend all our time learning! Plus, now that all the kids are heading back to class, the Gallery will be less crowded. Ha ha, just kidding.

Anyway, one of the schools heading back this week is Lower Merion High School, a rich public school out in the ‘burbs with such famous graduates as Kobe Bean Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers and Dan Bean Gross of the Daily News. While the kids at LMHS probably already make more money and you and me do put together, at least we had parking when we were in high school. (Or at least I did.) Thanks to the construction of a new school building, there is no student parking at the school. Hey, it’s not like kids need to drive to school or anything. Erhm.

The school says it prefers its students get dropped off or walk to school, because… oh, man, I was all set to make fun of the LMHS kids when I started this story and instead it appears the administration is completely, 100 percent stupid here. The school actually even posted a video about the new traffic patterns at the school, to make themselves look even sillier.

Anyway, it’s not all bad news: The kids at LMHS will now get $30 parking tickets every day, KYW 1060 reports. Things like these make me feel better about not being in high school anymore, even though I’d probably be going on a hunger strike to protest were I a senior at that school right now.

For Returning Lower Merion HS Students It’s, Like Totally, a Parking Crisis [KYW 1060]