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Date » 2008 » July « Home

I’ve Already Ordered Three

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44-pound stray cat bulges out of box [CNN.com]

Eric Lindros Off The Market, Ladies

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I’ll be honest here. I had no idea any of these people were actually still alive.

Kate Hudson’s wasted no time in finding new companionship… the actress and Lance Armstrong just ended their relationship. [...] Sources reveal exclusively to PerezHilton.com that Hudson is once again seeing an ex-boyfriend of hers, a fella by the name of Eric Lindros.

Ahh, yes, former Flyers center Eric Lindros! One can only imagine this relationship will break up after a particularly rough night of sex sends Lindros to the hospital with a concussion.

Kate Hudson’s already moved on [Perez Hilton]
Thanks, Bryan

An Eggcellent Crime

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Lansdale police say a couple — who I will now call “my new heroes” — went on an “18-month egging spree” that targeted about 400 people. NBC 10 reports:

Philip Fleck and his girlfriend Heather Darcy were out for revenge during an 18-month egging spree, police said.

The couple wanted to retaliate against friends for damages they said were inflicted upon them, but the couple also egged other people to draw suspicion away from them, according to police.

Weird thing is, if they egged around 400 people’s houses and cars… how much did they spend on eggs? You have to assume they used at least a half-dozen for every egging trip; that’s a couple hundred dollars. These people could have bought a Nintendo Wii for that kind of money.

Police: Couple Launched 18-Month Egging Spree [NBC 10]

Penn Kid: Celebrate The Philadelphia Soul!

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Although the Philadelphia Soul won the Arena Football League title, Philadelphians haven’t been rioting in the streets over it. And most people haven’t even been using the tired line of, “Oh, look, a team finally won a title!” Obviously, nobody cares about the Soul, because they do not play one of the four major team sports. Sorry, guys. We’re happy for you, but mostly people only care because Bon Jovi is the owner.

But wait! Penn’s Neil Fanaroff says we should celebrate the Soul like they’re World Champions!

That’s nothing really all that notable, until he gets into a lecture about not supporting our local sports “dynasty.”

The Philadelphia Barrage - of Major League Lacrosse - moved from Bridgeport, Conn. in 2004 and proceeded to win three of the next four championships, including back-to-back titles the past two seasons.

But for some reason, the city never embraced this squad - a squad that has remained at the pinnacle of success in the highest-level league of what is arguably the nation’s fastest-growing sport and in one of the sport’s hot spots. This year, after playing at Villanova Stadium the past four years, the team’s poor financial status forced it to hit the road for the entire season.

Despite five years of success - yes, the Barrage are again in the title hunt despite playing “home” games in places ranging from Cary, N.C., to St. Louis to Hillsboro, Ore. - Philadelphians never opted to support the team enough to keep it.

An MLL Championship never warranted a celebration, or a parade, or even a front-page headline in Philadelphia. Now that the Barrage are gone, any joy Philadelphians could have garnered from the team’s success is gone.

Wait, the Barrage are on the road the entire season? That’s totally awesome. I guess we’ll have to settle for not having any of that joy other cities experience when their outdoor lacrosse team wins the league title.

Update: Oh, yeah, there’s a motorcade at 3-ish today down Market Street. Whoo, Soul!

Hey Philly: beggars can’t be choosers [Summer Pennsylvanian]

Boobs On The Internet

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From the Philadelphia Livejournal, which is pretty much the emo version of Phillyblog:

I am looking for suggestions on where I can order a boob cake. I’d like to have it by Saturday night, which is know is very short notice. Does anyone have any suggestions on a great bakery?

If I can’t find one, I’ll just have to make one, which I don’t really want to do.

What? Who wouldn’t want to make a boob cake?

Boob Cake [LJ Philly]

The Story Of The Summer

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Oh, yes. Chunky the fat cat is back on the front page! Turns out Princess Chunky is actually a male, according to her original owner. Also, look, he got top billing over Nathan Lane on Regis & Kelly!

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I guess fat cats have more star power than fat gay actors.

Princess Chunky‚Äôs owners found — are they homeless? [Inquirer]

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Stu Bykofsky: This column is a good example of one of the problems with Daily News columns (in general). Apparently, the Turf Club is stiffing an employee out of about 14 grand. Said employee is described in terms like, “a struggling, single mother raising three young kids.” Great. So? Okay, so we feel bad for her? So fuck the Turf Club? Approximately 99 percent of non-John Baer Daily News columns are written with similar emotional appeals.

Ronnie Polaneczky: See! Here’s another example. It’s about some trough a car hit in South Philly, and how nobody knows who is supposed to pay to fix it. But look! Even the trough has a heartwarming backstory!

The sooner [the trough is fixed] the better. Because the trough, I learned, has a noble Philadelphia pedigree.

A century ago, animal-protection advocates pushed hard for placement of troughs all over the city, where our work animals were treated so badly they’d collapse in the street from over-work and dehydration.

“There was a big, philanthropic trend in Philadelphia to install troughs and fountains for horses and dogs,” says Sue Leary, president of the American Anti-Vivisection Society, whose recent 125th-anniversary publication features great photos from the dedication ceremony of the Bainbridge Street trough.

“The troughs literally saved animals’ lives.”

See? A heroic trough. I have to believe it’s also a single parent raising a couple of feed bags on its own.

Michael Smerconish: Oh, look, it’s a fake strategy memo addressed to John McCain about his vice presidential nominee. Wait, what? Like, seriously, it’s addressed directly to McCain and uses the word “you” about 4500 times. What the hell is the point of this column? Didn’t any editor say that? Well, ha ha, the Daily News has laid off all its editors.

(Also, if Obama picks Joe Biden like Smerconish predicts, I’m not voting for him.)

Philly.com Is On Drugs — Really

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Be still my heart. It’s like my two worlds (drug column and blog where I have made fun of Philly.com for almost three years) have collided! The current Philly.com front page is about stoner comedies. Yes, the paper that wrote about the area’s “marijuana overdoses” last November has its film critic writing about movies that essentially have weed as the main character.

As you may have also noticed, the other big story tonight is: OMG the giant fat cat is going to be on Regis tomorrow everybody celebrate like gangbusters!!!

Smoking the funny stuff [Inquirer]

Leftovers: Consensual Activities

• Another northern Bucks County town doesn’t want any strip clubs in it. Says the Quakertown borough council president: “Because of what has happened in our society in the last 20 years, the boundaries have been so pushed. We have to push back.” [The Intelligencer]

• Lawmakers in Harrisburg are considering allowing social clubs to install video poker machines, because gambling is a-OK as long as undesirable people don’t do it. [KYW 1060]

• Meanwhile, in New Jersey a man has been arrested for allegedly running a brothel out of a vet clinic. A… human brothel, or a dog brothel? [The Star-Ledger]

Nicotine water is back! [Reason]

Inquirer: Improving Lives

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Hey, so after highly scientific article on the homeless that featured a few interviews with people in Rittenhouse one morning, apparently the homeless problem in Rittenhouse is gone. The source: Why, the Inquirer, who else?

The ranks of the homeless sleeping overnight in Rittenhouse Square have dropped over the past week.

The reason? More aggressive patrols by Philadelphia police. Front page news accounts. Maybe it’s the weather.

Ha ha, so thanks to the Inquirer’s stories, the cops now have to move the homeless out of Rittenhouse Square every morning. Even during the day, when they’re, uhm, allowed there? “This park is only for those with homes” or “You have to be dressed a certain way to sit here” must be how it goes.

My favorite part of the article is the quote from Andy Rouse, a Center City resident: “I personally don’t mind having a few of these guys around in moderation.” I have to assume this guy feels the same way about alcoholics.

I really think the only way to solve the homeless problem is for the Inquirer gives a bunch of homeless people beds and Internet access, and pays them to refresh Philly.com all day. Pageviews++ and people have a place to sleep! It’s a win-win situation.

A drop in the homeless in Rittenhouse Square [Inquirer]