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Date » 2008 » June « Home

Leftovers: Conlin, Sixpack And Puppies

• Bill Conlin is apparently doing penance for his “offensive” comments on Daily News Live by writing about the Phillies’ lack of Latin prospects. I guess? [Daily News Live]

• Joe Sixpack writes the new Yards Brewery location at Poplar and Delaware might be opening a brewpub. [Beer Radar]

Rescued puppies in Florida! [CBS 4]

• The Philadelphia Soul have invited the entire town of Morrisville to its playoff game Saturday for free, since one of its players hails from the town. [CNBC] Continues Baiting Its Readers

063008cheesesteak.png’s current previous front is devoted to Karen Heller’s column on cheesesteaks. Heller’s column is mostly a recap of the recent hilarious Internet drama-style cheesesteak war in City Council, but veers off at the end into a discussion about why the cheesesteak is annoying. Heller proposes the city’s sandwich be a “roast pork Italian with aged provolone and broccoli rabe.” (Hmm. A bit wordy for my taste, though I do appreciate any sort of attack on cheesesteaks, the most overdone Philly thing besides Rocky.)

There isn’t any new Alycia Lane or Kidd Chris news, so plastered this on the front page. And now there are over 100 comments. And they’re pretty typical of the website with the world’s stupidest readers; my favorite is, “Next person who tries to defend this woman will find me outside of their residence/place of business w/ a tire iron and a determination to ‘keep it real.’”

We’re coming up on even slower news days — both later this week and in the news-dry month of August. John Carroll and I came up with some future front-page topics for, which you can read below. These are sure to attract a ton of comments.

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Philly Internet Users Love Bad Words


Turns out we’re not just searching for “penis” here in Philadelphia! Silicon Alley Insider used Google to rank the top cities in the U.S. by number of searches for one of the seven words you can’t say on television, and little ol’ Philadelphia came in third.

Louisville, Ky., was the overall winner, and Rochester, N.Y., took second. Philly narrowly edged out Newark, N.J., and Los Angeles. On the plus side, the blog also notes that Google Trends is being used to show that Pensacola, Fla., is not so pure as a defense in an obscenity case. All we need is an ad campaign to attract pornographers to film their productions here, and the tax bucks will start rolling in.

Google: Louisville, KY Is The Most Obscene City In The U.S. [Silicon Alley Insider via Philebrity]
June 24: A Genital Country Town

I Apparently Hate A Lot Of Music


Kerri-Lee’s blog has a post with a list of a few people’s most hated songs of all time. Most of the selections were pretty obvious (sorry, guys), so I decided to go at it and write my most hated songs.

Somehow, it turned into a list of my most hated bands. It also turned into a ridiculous rant against pretty much every artist in the world — and I left a ton of bands I hate out. Here it is reproduced (with at least one typo corrected!) for your enjoyment.

Anything by Aerosmith, but especially their ballads (”I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” is the prime example). Bonus hate points for Steven Tyler for looking older than Mick Jagger. Hey, the poor man’s Rolling Stones are even less attractive than the original!

Anything by Billy Joel. A Joel song is okay and kinda catchy the first time you hear it. The second or third time, it starts to wear on you. By the 10th time you hear it, you’re ready to invent a time machine to go back in time and prevent Billy Joel from ever writing “Still Rock and Roll To Me.”

Any of the awful way-too-long classic rock songs — “Stairway to Heaven” (it suffers from being overplayed, and is not one of Zep’s stronger songs to boot), “American Pie” (anything by the Big Bopper, incidentally), “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” (where do I start?), “Layla” (see: Stairway to Heaven), “Freebird” (and “Sweet Home Alabama,” too). A special on-its-own mention for “Another Brick in the Wall” by sacred cows Pink Floyd, a bunch of ultra-talented musicians who got together to make awful, awful music. “Hey Jude” just narrowly misses the list.

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Lady Liberty Loves The Phillies


The baseball all-star game is at Yankee Stadium this season, and to promote it there are tons of little Statues of Liberty all around New York City representing the major league teams (as well as statues for the Brooklyn Dodgers and New York Giants, and other related NYC baseball things).

A Philadelphia Will Do correspondent from the Big Apple snapped a shot of the Phillies one. It is, naturally, in front of a Modell’s. Gotta go to Mo’s!

There are a bunch of photos of the statues in his Flickr set.

Update: The way the statue is dressed reminds me of the Phillies’ Turn Ahead the Clock jerseys.

Photo by Vernon Balanza

Jim Gerlach Thinks You’re Fat


Jim Gerlach is the U.S. Rep from the 6th District and is up for re-election this fall. Above Average Jane noticed some interesting Google ad placement:

Ads by Google

Jim Gerlach for Congress
Independent Voice for Pennsylvania Help Congressman Gerlach Today!

10 Rules for Stomach Fat
Drop 9 lbs of Stomach Fat every 11 Days by Sticking with the 10 Rules.

Why Your Stomach is Fat
I fought with excess belly fat for years until I found this 1 trick.

Strange, strange ad placement. The truth about abs, huh? I wonder if this will have the same success as the 9/11 truth movement.

Which of these things doesn’t belong? [Above Average Jane]

Tyson Homosexual Goes For The Gold


With a strong tailwind — 9.1 miles per hour — Tyson Gay ran an incredible 9.68 in the finals of the 100 meters at the Olympic trials over the weekend.

In an unrelated story, the American Family Association — a Christian group more concerned with hating gays than loving their neighbor — recently launched a news outlet, OneNewsNow, and directed editors to replace all instances of the word “gay” with “homosexual.” (I have no idea why.) And, naturally, the website ran a story on the wind-aided fastest time ever:

Tyson Homosexual was a blur in blue, sprinting 100 meters faster than anyone ever has.

His time of 9.68 seconds at the U.S. Olympic trials Sunday doesn’t count as a world record, because it was run with the help of a too-strong tailwind. Here’s what does matter: Homosexual qualified for his first Summer Games team and served notice he’s certainly someone to watch in Beijing.

“It means a lot to me,” the 25-year-old Homosexual said. “I’m glad my body could do it, because now I know I have it in me.” [...] After the race, Homosexual and Dix looked at each other and slapped palms, then hugged.

The story’s since been fixed, but Google News has preserved the headline: “Homosexual runs wind-aided 9.68 seconds to make Olympics.”

AFA’s search/replace function works perfectly [Dispatches from the Culture Wars]

Giant Chain Restaurant Devours Cherry Hill


Do you like chain restaurants? Well, then do I have a story for you: Houlihan’s has relocated from its mall location and now has a 10,000-square foot restaurant in Cherry Hill somewhere along Route 70. (I assume it hasn’t demolished the turnpike like in my example map, but who knows?)

The Camden Courier-Post’s article about the new Houlihan’s clocks in at a robust 935 words — and it does note the 460-seat location (the largest Houlihan’s in the country!) serves Flying Fish. And guess what else there is? Downright wacky memorabilia!

The decor is heavy on dark woods and comfy upholstered booths. Accessories, many brought over from the mall location, include such nostalgia staples as vintage signs, a Taittinger poster featuring a luminous Grace Kelly and a wall devoted to Marilyn Monroe memorabilia.

“All our stores have a wall like that, even though Houlihan’s was after Marilyn Monroe’s time,” Stennie said. [...] With the acquisition of the Cherry Hill operation, ACE now owns all the Houlihan’s on Long Island and in New Jersey, fulfilling what franchise president Arnie Runestad said was a five-year quest.

I cannot wait ’til the movie version of this five-year quest makes it to the big screen.

Houlihan’s serves up new site [Courier-Post]

This Is My Favorite Missed Connection Ever

Friday night, my friend and I were walking along 18th, heading to Continental when you and your friends passed us. You asked me if I had a cigarette. Because I didn’t, I said, “No, I’m sorry.” Because I’m Asian, you said, “You’d probably have an egg roll though.” And then snickered to your friends like you believed you had said out loud what they all only wished they had the courage to utter. But it wasn’t brave to disparage someone you look down on. It was hurtful, and because it was hurtful it was common and unoriginal and pathetic. I didn’t think you were pretty before, and after that, you were just ugly. You make the world a worse place by not making it any better. Nobody will ever celebrate you.

Who ever would have thought annoying girls in Center City on Friday nights would make completely unfunny jokes?!

Drunk, racist brunette - m4w - 23 (18th & Walnut) [Craigslist]
Thanks, Chrissy

Abridged Daily News Columnists

John Baer: “A BAD PUN: Gov. Ed tries to push Pennsylvania forward, but he just can’t budge it.” The first step to stopping bad puns is admitting you have a problem. Eleven steps to go, John.

Update: Anyway, we now have a budget. Baer’s column is (as usual) pretty solid, but man, oh man, is the state budget the most boring thing in the history of the world.

Stu Bykofsky: Ha, ha, Stu doesn’t want to be fined $150 for dropping his cigarette butts on the ground. (Also: If you contest the littering fine and lose, it’s doubled. Guh-wah?)