Your Weekly RPS Post

I believe I have found my calling in life, and it is rock paper scissors. Not because I’m particularly good at it — I lost in the first round twice again this week, putting me on something like a 10-event streak of losing in Round 1 — but because it is a sport (or whatever) that involves ingesting alcohol and is a sport you can be ranked in the top-10 in despite not having won a match since opening night.

I’ve mentioned all of that before, but it bears repeating due to the events of last night at Dirty Frank’s. Last night was one of my more dramatic failures in recent memory. I managed to win the first round on my opponents’ four fouls and had match point twice — once in the second set, and again in the third. Despite this, I managed to lose the match. And, yes, despite how absolutely pathetic I am in competitive RPS — Gossip Girlfriend, who has played at three events, has more wins than I do — I will continue to attend matches and probably continue to lose.

Over two years of play in the RPS city league, my record is something like 7-25. And yet I finished in the top 8 last year thanks to two wins in the City League Championships. And, currently, I am in first in the Street RPS competition after winning it last night. Nevermind that I’m only up by a dollar and have virtually no shot of winning the total competition: For now, this loser is in first. What a great game.

Philadelphia Will Do sponsors the timeouts of the Philadelphia Rock Paper Scissors City League. Events at Mondays at the Khyber (except for next week), Tuesdays at Dirty Frank’s, Wednesdays at Skinner’s (next week) and Thursdays at The Dive. All events “start” at 9:30 p.m.