OMG Who Won?

It’s been roughly an hour since the polls closed, and… we dunno. Hillary Clinton is ahead on early returns, with about 3 percent of the vote, and notorious funnyman Bill Bennett is now saying on CNN that Barack Obama can’t win, so that means Hillary Clinton has won the nomination.

Or maybe not! It was 55-45, Clinton, a minute ago and now it’s 53-47. Meanwhile, the Flyers were up 2-1 on a cheap goal but then fell asleep and let the Capitals tie the game. The Phillies, who aren’t on TV apparently (update: Oh, they’re on 57. Stupid Comcast.), are scoreless. Since the Phillies and Flyers will each be winners or losers tonight — unlike the pointlessness of the Pennsylvania primary, it seems — I think I’ll be paying attention to those the rest of the night.

Update: Oh, Fox News says Hillary Clinton wins! That means CNN will follow in a minute or two.