Abridged Daily News Columnists

Jill Porter: Yes, if Mumia is re-sentenced to life in prison nobody will ever speak of him again.

Gov. Corzine’s Job As Safe As Ever

New Jersey’s fun time buckle-up governor, Jon Corzine, could be recalled this November, reports KYW 1060.

Of course, the radio station also reports that no one is really worried about this recall movement, and with good reason. The petition was filed by “[f]ormer Glen Ridge mayor Carl Bergmanson, along with his son and a cousin.” Whoo, a whole family wants to recall Big Jon! Of course, nowadays ballot petitions are usually million-dollar jobs for New York City guys in suits, but maybe they’ll get lucky and get the 1.2 million signatures by the end of June a recall petition would need to get on the ballot.

Plus, his last petition didn’t go so well: Bergmanson also started a drive to get Pluto reinstated as a planet. Keep on fighting the good fight, Mr. ex-Glen Ridge Mayor!

Push Underway to Give Gov. Corzine the Boot [KYW 1060]

Mexico Declares War On Emo

The above video appears to be some sort of declaration of war on emos in Mexico. Apparently in Mexico instead of sitting back and tolerating annoying subcultures, they destroy them to a bloody pulp.

According to Daniel Hernandez, who’s been covering the anti-emo riots on his blog Intersections, the violence began March 7, when an estimated 800 young people poured into the Mexican city of Queretaro’s main plaza “hunting” for emo kids to pummel. Then the following weekend similar violence occurred in Mexico City at the Glorieta de Insurgents, a central gathering space for emos. Hernandez also reports that several anti-emo riots have now also spread to various other Mexican cities.

Forget Canada. If Walnuts McCain wins the presidency, I’m moving to Mexico. And if you’re wondering, the emos are fighting back.

Benson Offspring To Overrun Philly

Hmm! PW’s Kate Kilpatrick this week profiled none other than Anna Benson, wife of the new, currently injured Phillies pitcher. Benson says she “manipulated the media” in New York, and not just by being a knockout former stripper who sent funny emails to Adam Rubin and said other funny things.

Well, no, okay, I guess that’s what she did.

Anyway, Benson also says she’s going to do about 400 million different things — none of which are modeling — but then says she’ll pry just have a 50 kids and send them to the Prep:

“We want more babies. If he signs to Philadelphia, I’ll be pregnant in the next month I’m sure,” she says, explaining that the couple is delaying pregnancy until they figure out where they’re settling down. “It’s a long time [seven years] since I’ve been pregnant. We want at least two more. I’m willing to have as many as he’ll give me.”

Hooray! That would give the gossip columnists material for years.

“I May Get a Wild Hair.” [PW]

Frankenstein Approves Of Bill Cahir

“This is my wife Renee. This is Frankenstein.”

Hey, so here’s Bill Cahir, Democrat and Iraq war veteran running for office in the 5th district of Pennsylvania. On his website, he states that “The Cahir for Congress campaign becomes the first in the Pennsylvania fifth congressional district Democratic primary to launch a viral video advertisement.”

Basically, this ad explains how Cahir’s funny last name is going to cost him his democratic primary. But he does have the endorsement of his wife and Frankenstein. And since Cahir used to be a journalist and blogger, so he has the official endorsement of Philadelphia Will Do for Congress as well.

Chelsea Clinton Lies, Too

Much like her lyin’ mother, it appears Chelsea Clinton’s appearance at Woody’s (above, and all over El Internet) is a fraud. Alli Katz IMed to me that the flier is a big giant fat lie as the campaign says Chelsea Clinton won’t be at Woody’s.

Aww, major bummer! It’s okay, though, if you as much as think about Chelsea Clinton the Secret Service gets your fired from your job, so it’s probably best to just stay away.

Update: Couple IMs and emails say it’s definitely on and OMG Chelsea is soooo going to be at Woody’s and blah blah blah.

Chelsea Only Maybe Hanging Out With the Gays [Independence Brawl]

Win Free Quizzo Bowl IV Tickets!

This Saturday is Quizzo Bowl IV, the annual masters-of-quizzo competition hosted by none other than Johnny Goodtimes.

As part of a promotion for that, yours truly will be hosting a round of quizzo tonight on Philadelphia history at Bards (20th and Walnut) at 10 p.m. I’m pretty sure the Philadelphia Will Do readership pretty much overlaps with the quizzo-playing population, so come down and hear me stutter through a few questions about my favorite topics. (If you read this blog, you should get at least a couple of them easily.)

And the headliner of this year’s Quizzo Bowl is Black Elvis. Black Elvis! There’s no reason to miss this, except that my team is going to win so you’re not gonna.

And, hey, you can do it for free: After the jump, Johnny has graciously provided three free pairs of Quizzo Bowl tickets that you, the reader, can win, if you just answer a question.

More »

No Death For Mumia, For Now

OMGINTHENEWSAGAIN! Just when I thought we had heard the last of Wesley Cook, aka Mumia Abu-Jamal, aka the convicted killer of one Daniel Faulkner… WHAMMO! A federal appeals court refused to reinstate his death sentence today, which means Mumia will simply spend the rest of his life in jail or get a new sentencing hearing where he could get life or death.

Oh! There’s going to be another appeal — probably from both sides! — and so we’re going to hear about Mumia Abu-Jamal forever and ever and ever until he dies in prison of natural causes.

Mumia gets new sentencing hearing [Inquirer]

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Stu Bykofsky: What the fuck is this bullshit column?

Phil Goldsmith: Goldsmith spends his last column for the Daily News telling us that, in reality, NCAA Division I men’s basketball players aren’t really getting an education on average.

Ronnie Polaneczky: Ahh, giant duck tour companies get all the perks while the little guy gets screwed. Welcome to America, home of the free and land of the duck tour!

Technical Difficulties

We’re back. Updates to resume soon. Bla bla bla.