Feb20 |
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Satanic Cult On Rampage North Of PhillyThere have now been three churches in Bucks County vandalized over the past couple days, and we’ve found a culprit: A Satanic cult! Two people went up to Rev. Michael C. DiIorio of St. Michael the Archangel in Levittown after a mass a few weeks back, said they were new to the area and told the pastor they wouldn’t be joining the parish because they were “demons.” And here I thought the people who wrote “God is dead” on the walls were part of a pack of angry Nietzsche followers. “The boldness of it,” DiIorio said. “To come up and introduce themselves to you in that way.” After the cops can’t find any demons, the following groups will be blamed: Witches, atheists, unicorns, robots, UFOs, agnostics. I eagerly await Panic Watch’s next update. |
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You forgot the most obvious suspects: Paultards!
I’m thinking unicorns. They’re sneaky little buggers.