Philadelphia Will Do  
 

Phillies Sure To Win Pennant With Signing Of Another Cheap, Low-Risk Player

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Pretty much everybody is reporting the Phillies are going to sign oft-injured, oft-mediocre starter Kris Benson, who you may know best because he has a hot wife (at right). Todd Zolecki says it’s actually already done.

Benson is yet another in a long line of “meh” signings this winter by the Phillies, who really only excited anybody this offseason by trading for Brad Lidge. Meanwhile, the Mets traded for the best pitcher in baseball; the Phillies have so far been too cheap to even pay Kyle Lohse a few mil to sure shore up the rotation a bit. Instead, the Phils got Pedro Feliz, Geoff Jenkins and a maybe few other guys you don’t really know.

Anyway, the newest Phillie will compete for the fifth starter’s job with a bunch of other awesome players, such as Adam Eaton, J.D. Durbin, Chad Durbin and Travis Blackley. (Who the hell is Travis Blackley?) Personally, I’m starting to get excited — for the team’s next playoff appearance around 2020. OMG, Anna Benson is hot! Let’s have a parade for that!

  1. A. V. Says: Feb 13 5:04 PM

    Anna Benson also has some, dealer add on optional parts, if you know what I mean.

  2. Joe Says: Feb 13 5:09 PM

    Hey Philadelphia has a celebrity now!

  3. leoni2 Says: Feb 13 6:13 PM

    And the cheap bastards who silently run the team have struck again. What will it take to get these morons to get real help for the Phils instead of people who either stink or are past their prime?

  4. leoni2 Says: Feb 13 6:14 PM

    And the cheap bastards who silently run the team have struck again. What will it take to get these morons to get real help for the Phils instead of people who either stink or are past their prime?

  5. mike Says: Feb 14 12:21 AM

    I think you mean “shore up.”

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