Son Stabber Hailed As American Hero

There are a lot of heroes in today’s world, but none are greater than Upper Darby’s Lawrence Dugan Sr., who attempted to murder his son. Yesterday, he officially became a free man, as his three months time served before posting bail was applied to his one-month sentence.

Dugan Jr. wouldn’t testify against his father, so Michael Chitwood — who told the best joke of all last year when he said the War on Drugs makes us safer — did the only natural thing and hailed him a hero:

“At the end of the day, I think justice has been served,” Chitwood said. “The father, even though he was the stabber, he was not the villain in this case.”

Ahh, yes, you see, the son was a heroin addict whose mom called him “evil.” Dugan Jr. is back in jail on theft charges — the article helpfully notes he was a “junkie” and that he was so evil he stabbed someone — and the father is not allowed any contact with his son. “Junior is a bad guy. You name it, he’s done it,” Chitwood said. “Junior is not an innocent victim in society. He put that family in fear.” Woo-hoo, vigilante justice in Upper Darby! I’m gonna kill all the scumbags I see — maybe I’ll get a parade!

Upper Darby man who stabbed junkie son is freed [Daily News]