Hey, Bonnie’s Back!

Okay, so I should probably write about this. So remember Bonnie & Clyde? No, not the real Bonnie & Clyde, the “Bonnie and Clyde of Identity Fraud,” the duo that captivated the Philadelphia area during the end of last year?

By duo, of course, I mean Jocelyn Kirsch’s breasts, since she was really the only one anybody cared to read about. (The dude’s name was Eddie or something.) Anyway, Jocelyn Kirsch is back in a new Daily News article by apparent Jocelyn Kirsch beat reporter Regina Medina; turns out she had a former boyfriend who thought he loved her, but it turns out she lied to him and treated him poorly. And she cheated on him! Jocelyn Kirsch is now every girl in America. (No offense, fairer sex.) Did she break up with him via email, too?

The ex-boyfriend, Jayson Verdibello, also wrote a pair of songs for her; I was kind of hoping we’d get MP3 files, but instead all we get are lyrics like “I can’t deny the curves of your body/ Or all the words you leave inside my lips/ How can I say all the words I want to/ When you paint the world in different hues of you?”

But back to the story, where hilarity abounds.

Initially, when Verdibello read the news, almost a year to the day since they broke up, he thought her arrest was “ultimate poetic justice.”

Certain moments, he said, begin to make sense, such as when the two were cuddling in bed while she typed a text message. He saw the words from over her shoulder: “Ah, my cute capitalist,” believing the message was for her tutor. When he questioned her, “she completely chewed me out.”

Some moments don’t make sense. Kirsch told him while he was in London that she was a bar manager at Zee Bar, a private after-hours club, and worked until 2 a.m. Buffy Varanese, the club’s marketing director, said, “She never worked for Zee Bar and we do not have a bar-manager position.”

And the text message she sent saying, “I’m really sorry about all of this, I love you, I don’t want you to think any less of me, I really care about you.” Kirsch was in the airport, headed to Paris to meet her older brother in the military. (Her older brother isn’t serving and wasn’t in Paris.) Verdibello found out later she was with Anderton [aka Clyde] when the text was sent. That is “fucked up,” he said.

In summary, the girl who allegedly stole over 100 grand with her boyfriend also was a jerk to some other boy she dated. The DN says she’ll be back in court Feb. 12, which means I need to get a Valentine’s Day card to give her when she’s in town.

Also: What separates ultimate poetic justice from regular poetic justice? Is there some sort of way to measure it?

An old flame speaks [Daily News]