Ryan Priests Sad To Have Competition

Priest/little boy NAMBLA-esque mashups are kind of like steroids in baseball: Everybody knew it was there, but nobody really talked about it or cared. Then, whoops!, now the Catholic Church has a bunch of lawsuit settlements and charged priests, including one who I served mass for but never really talked to me.

(This is when someone annoying on the Internet comes up and points out accused molestor and former president of Archbisop Ryan Rev. Charles Newman is an ephebophile. This is when I tell that person to shut up. I only care about semantic differences where it’s important, like the one between an end around and a reverse.)

Perhaps it’s kind of clear Archbishop Ryan might not have the healthiest attitude toward sex. So who do they bring in to teach the kids sex-ed? Why, noted sex experts Golden Girl from Power 99 and Colby Cole from 100.3 The Beat! What, Angelo Cataldi wasn’t available?

As you no doubt guessed, the brass at Archbishop Ryan is apparently, allegedly still as clueless now as they were when they were letting the guy in charge of the school fuck boys. And they got all angry about the kids being taught about STDs and other, uh, facts.

But before the week was over, top administrators at Archbishop Ryan reviewed the film - presented by the Philadelphia Department of Public Health as a way to start off the discussion - and decided the film went too far.

The archdiocese now says the film gives students a message that contradicts the teachings of the Catholic Church.

“There is a statement in the video that if you are going to be sexually active, you should use protection, and that is contrary to what we are teaching our young people,” Donna Farrell, spokeswoman for the archdiocese, said Friday.

“Abstinence and only abstinence is the only option,” for Archbishop Ryan students, said Michael J. McArdle, the president of Archbishop Ryan.

Unless you’re, uh, a priest and the president of Archbishop Ryan. Now, how does the church feel about sex with robots?

Carnal Knowledge: Sex with robots? Soon, he predicts [Inquirer]
Archbishop Ryan High pulls plug on STD film [Daily News]
[Image via Some Actual Elected Official]