Ohio’s Bonnie & Clyde: Bank Robbers, Witches

In the great time B.A.C.A.C.A.F.D. (Before Alycia Called A Cop A ‘Fucking Dyke’), this is what I was going to post first thing Monday morning. Over the weekend, CNN’s front page included this write-up of a real ‘07 Bonnie and Clyde, a trio (Nicole Boyd, Roger Lee Dillon and his mom, Sharon Lee Gregory) alleged to have stolen $7.4 million from an armored car company Roger Lee worked for.

Only, this Bonnie & Clyde are, literally, the hillbilly version of Jocelyn Kirsch and Edward Anderton. The three were picked up after allegedly taking the millions after Black Friday. They’re the talk of Hickville (see), everyone’s making fun of them for leaving behind hilarious clues (see) and a hot girl who could have been a model (see).

Only, since it’s not Philadelphia and is instead Youngstown, Ohio — two hours away from Oberlin! — she was actually $290 in debt to one of those mall modeling companies — the $290 was for the first year of a three year modeling contract — that makes you pay money first. Oh, but she wasn’t charged! “She was like an All-American girl. She was beautiful,” the president tells the AP.

They also paid their rent after allegedly stealing the $7.4 million, were good tenants — they didn’t steal their neighbor’s identities — and people actually seemed to like them. Oh, also, they were witches.

“The only thing I remember her telling me is she was a witch. I said, ‘A good witch or a bad witch?’ She said, ‘Oh, I’m a good witch.’ ”

Dillon listed Wiccan as his religion on his MySpace page. “He would call her about 35 times a day to see if she was still here — a little possessive,” [a manager at her job] said. “I had to yell at her.”

Wow. It’s like looking into an alternate universe.