Phillies Lose Either Way With ‘Roid Report

The Mitchell Report, a sure to be disappointing look at steroids in baseball, will be released today. Commissioned by Baseball Commish Bud Selig and headed up by former U.S. Senator George Mitchell, the report is expected to name between 60 and 80 players who took ‘roids.

The real question is, of course: What Phillies will be named? The biggest example of possible Phillies supplementation is Lenny Dykstra, the 1993 team’s best player and runner-up for National League MVP that year. (Incidentally, Barry Bonds won.)

So will any current or former Phillies will be on the list? Doug Glanville, most definitely, but who else? All I know is, if there aren’t any Phils on the list, we can be sure they just don’t care enough to cheat to win.

See also: How the rest of the division’s shaping up against the Phils.