Election Roundup: Voting Is For Dorks

In off-year municipal elections, the City of Philadelphia’s actual election takes place in May. Sometimes the mayor races (i.e., mayor) include a formidable Republican candidate, but while Al Taubenberger is a great underdog, he was recently polling at eight percent. But all the Democrats who win races today were elected on May 15, including mayor-elect Michael Nutter. (It’s after 9. He probably already has enough votes to win.)

You should still go out and vote, though, and not because it matters (it doesn’t) or out of a sense of civic duty (fuck civic duty). You should go out and vote because it’s fun! While the voting booths are not the fun old-timey blues ones of yore, you still get to press a couple of buttons. Okay, so it’s not Making Time. But if you don’t press those buttons, Bush and Cheney will win, or something. Or maybe the terrorists win. I don’t know.

Go out and vote today. If you don’t, annoying people will lie to you and say if you didn’t vote, you forfeited your right to complain. Whatever. Complain all you want whether or not you vote; but it’s always nice to try to diffuse future annoyance.

Below, a roundup of fun election-themed stories. We’re using a very liberal definition of the word fun here.

• The Bulletin broke with a nearly three-year-old tradition (!) and began endorsing candidates. The paper says to vote for Al Taubenberger because he’s a nice guy and you can relate to him. Also endorsed: Bruce Castor, whoever that is. Apparently if he’s not elected 300 people will die in Montgomery County. Fun! [The Bulletin]

• Over at Young Philly Politics, Spider-man is the key election metaphor. Personally, I want to vote for a politician who promises to uphold the ideals of The Punisher. [YPP]

• Meanwhile, apparently Nutter’s and Taubenberger’s ads are offensive, or uncalled for, or something. Taubenberger’s ad says “100% TAX ASSESSMENT? NOT OVER MY DEAD BODY,” which is so offensive it makes my blood boil. Er. [The Next Mayor]

• Speaking of the ex-landscaper from the former Northeast, he’s just happy to be in this election, really: “The fact that people have the opportunity to vote for myself or my opponent, that’s really what it’s all about. And I feel very upbeat about it, and let’s just see what happens tomorrow.” Take it from me, Al, try not to start sentences with the phrase “The fact that.” I’m sure I’ve done it way too many times on this blog, but it makes me cringe every time I do it. [KYW 1060]

• And if my big exhortation to vote above wasn’t enough, Michael Nutter is pleading with you to please, please show up at the polls today. [Metropolis]