Smerconish On Vaginas, For Some Reason

Sometimes when there’s an excellent column in the Daily News, I gloss over it because I’m simply attempting to quickly get a post up, or I know it’s my job to make fun of it, or I just don’t read it close enough. And then sometimes it stops me from fully making fun of a column.

Yesterday, Michael Smerconish wrote about “vajayjay,” the new-ish slang term for vagina, pussy, box, etc. that doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page.

As at least one of you noted in the comments, the column was essentially a riff on this New York Times piece from Sunday about the word.

But ol’ Smerconish can’t get through a column without some sort of random hatred of liberals! And that’s when, even among all the somewhat-sly double entendres he shoves into his article, he comes up with by far the funniest sentence in his column:

But the Times also shed light on controversy in certain quarters. It seems like Eve Ensler and Gloria Steinem are unenthused about adding “vajayjay” to the lexicon. And a Manhattan OB/GYN was actually quoted as saying the word is a step backward. [Side note. I can't imagine writing an article about a new word for "pussy" and going, "Hmm, I better talk to Gloria Steinem!"]

After hours of reflection, and in consultation with my man friends, I think I have it figured out. The feminists, it seems, have a proprietary interest in female genitalia. [...] No matter what you call it, many feminists don’t want guys attracted to it. If it were up to them, there’d be an image at www.dictionary.com with a sign next to “vagina” reading “No men allowed.”

Stop right here for a second. I love columnists, when instead of attempting to make a point, he comes up with a broad, incorrect definition of “feminists.” Yeah, they don’t want you to have any sex! Which is why conservatives — here is my broad, incorrect definition, though I think more truthful than Smerconish’s — complain about feminism loosening sexual mores. (I came up with this after talking to my liberal friends.) And also not wanting any sex at all! Dammit, just what is it?

Anyway, back to the best line in the column:

I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it seems that vajayjay is different. Unlike the starkly clinical vagina, I see a vajayjay as a happy and inviting place, with a warm and fuzzy connotation. Vajayjay says “hello . . . welcome” and “open for business.” “Vagina” screams textbook. “Vajayjay” says Facebook.

Those feminists and their anti-Facebook ideals! Thanks for throwing down the hammer, Mikey.