Bensalem Police Clean Up, Uh, Shitty Motels

Police in Bensalem arrested a bunch of prostitutes of dubious quality recently, announcing the arrests yesterday in a strong show of force.

The arrests came from hookers who advertised on Craigslist, and therefore were tearing the Bensalem community apart. Cops called the hookers to a hotel, made sure they used “magic words” they refused to reveal (Abracadabra?)

Apparently, the Internet has allowed random sex-for-cash exchanges to expand into the suburbs, and consenting adults clearly don’t know how to spend their money. Plus, prostitutes apparently overran the Neshaminy Mall or something.

“The Special Investigations Unit is very big on quality of life issues. And that’s what this is. You want to take your kids to the mall and not see prostitutes or drug dealers.”

Experts said sex has been eradicated in Bensalem.