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Date » 2007 » November « Home

Boy, It’s Almost Impossible To Tell Them Apart

I was going to write some words about Jill Porter’s Daily News column today column about how new breath mints “look uncannily like tiny heat-sealed bags of cocaine, crack, heroin or any other powdered drug.” But then I decided the photos the Daily News ran with the story told it all.

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Magazine Ranks Cities To Get Magazine Into News

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Some stupid magazine did a stupid city ranking in order to get itself in the news. This time, the magazine was Self, a magazine for women I guess, and it asked women if they were happy and healthy or something.

Apparently, Philadelphia women were neither happy, healthy nor in shape, and the magazine ranked Philly 87th out of 100 cities. Philly also won “worse environment” in the pointless poll.

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Courier-Post Forums Continue To Amaze

Selected comments on the Courier-Post story Camden diocese plans to shut 9 schools.”

  • “Blame Norcross & the Camden County Freeholders for this one.”
  • “It’s time the church got it’s act together and do what it’s MAIN purpose is. TEACH ABOUT JESUS!!! not be in the $$ business. How much $$ does the Camden Doc. bring in a year total. More than enough to spread the word of god. BEWARE the Muslims schools are free!!!”
  • “Without the blood of the minority the pale man existence will be futile. Just like the Greeks needed Egypt, the roman needed Israel, and America needed Africa. Without the needs of the African race the pale man will cease to exist. Kuy yul hal kairuun”
  • “I know more Dr.’s and Lawyers who came from Catholic education, more than Public school…. Stop picking on the Catholics, I don’t hear people bashing the Hebrew school down near AC. The Jewish community down there do not want there kids going to AC High, I don’t blame them. DIVERSE means crap if the parents don’t teach them it at home. What is the term diverse mean that my kid gets to put a condom on a banana or they learn about every other HOLIDAY except Christmas.”
  • “that is pure b.s. about the catholics being mor dr’s and lawyers. most of the doctors are jewish or indians. none of which got a catholic education.”

Okay, to be honest, I just wanted to post those last two.

Camden Diocese plans to shut down 9 schools [Courier-Post]

Finally, A Presidential Candidate For The Rest Of Us

Democratic candidate Mike Gravel, you have my vote. If I were a Democrat. And the Pennsylvania primary mattered. But, uh, yeah.

I’m Voting For Mike Gravel Now [Wonkette]

Vick, B*rbaro Stories Converge In (Where Else?) China

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Today in the Courier Times, diminutive 76ers guard Lou Williams says he supports Michael Vick, who will be sentenced next month for his guilty plea in a dogfighting case. You know, he’s not into dogfighting, but Vick attended his high school games when Vick was on the Falcons and Williams was a high schooler in the ATL, so he hopes he can get his life back on track once he’s out of jail. (Horse people, of course, want him executed.)

Anyway, ever since the Michael Vick dogfighting story broke, I’ve been using a joke about how the sport (uh, whatever) I really want to see is horsefighting. It combines the brutality of horse racing and dogfighting with the gambleability of, well, horse racing and dogfighting.

Turns out, like most cool things in this country, horsefighting is made in China. Yes, Britain’s Telegraph. According to the paper, the sport has been celebrated for over five hundred years in China and is even on some tourists’ itineraries!

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Shocker: Abortion Debate Turns Angry

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Some group called OurVoice 2008, which hopes to mobilize young voters (ha ha, good luck), began a monthly debate series at Penn yesterday. Did they pick an issue where speakers could make strong political points and attempt to convince those in attendance of their point?

Ha ha, of course not, they had a debate about abortion.

An abortion debate hosted yesterday by OurVoice 2008, a group that aims to mobilize young voters, repeatedly broke down into a single vitriolic exchange between the pro-choice and pro-life debaters. [...]

But neither side made much effort to restrict their remarks to the subject at hand. Comfort, acting as moderator, frequently interceded to keep the debaters on topic. Audience members often broke into incredulous laughter, and personal accusations briefly flew between the participants.

Ooh, I hope gay marriage is next! And then capital punishment! Hmm, what else?

OurVoice 2008 hosts abortion debate [Daily Pennsylvanian]

Gov’t Outsourcing Intelligence To Online Polls

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Courier-Post Online News

City Council, Home Of Pointless Arguing

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Wednesday, there was a hearing in City Council about a housing bill that would require developers to set aside homes to low- to middle-income residents. And, of course, developers had a problem with it. But there was a reasonable debate in City Council about the bill, and although the developer Carl Dranoff disagreed with Councilman Wilson Goode, he… oh, whatever, you know this is a lie.

(Goode): “What you’re saying is that, as a developer, you do not want to reinvest in an inclusionary zoning program?”

(Dranoff): “No, I never said that sir. Not at all. I am saying, and remember I started my testimony, excuse me I have the floor! I’d like to finish what I’m starting!”

(Goode): “No actually, I have the floor.”

(Dranoff): “You asked me a question. I’m answering it. I’m answering your question.”

(Goode): “I have the floor. The chair recognized me.”

(Dranoff): “OK.”

Both of these guys make a ton of money and could afford a really nice house, if you’re wondering.

Affordable Housing Bill Triggers Testy Exchange in Council [KYW 1060]

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Elmer Smith: Wow, people will make up lies to win elections? No!

Christine Flowers: Well, I’m not on any government assistance that requires your house to be raided, so let’s do it to some poor people instead! Oh no you’re not allowed to use that kind of reasoning to criticize me, though!

Jill Porter: Another in the Jill Porter “Columnist Who Cried Wolf” series, this time it’s about how this new Hershey’s mint looks like crack. This probably deserves a full post later today, but for now I’d just like to thank Hershey for fighting the good fight in the war against prohibition!

Google Body: Denouement

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It appears DigPhilly caught wind of my little media expose about its Google Body story (uhh, yeah) and now there’s an explanatory note on the text by its author, PWD fave Teresa Masterson.

Awww, crap. It has come to my attention that the Google Body story from wired.com may really be made up… I already knew I hated certain Philadelphia bloggers. I’m ready to expand my hatred to wired.com bloggers. Suck it Bruce Sterling.

Hey, hey. Hate me, sure — unless Masterson’s referring to Dan Rubin — but wired.com’s Google Body blog entry was dated the year 2022 and featured quotes like “You know what the top two search terms are, after ‘ass’? They’re ‘aorta’ and ‘arterial plaque.’” Hating Bruce Sterling for thinking that entry is real is like hating a stop sign because it doesn’t turn green and tell you to go.

But I really enjoy the comments of another apparent NBC 10 staffer, PSUPhilly22, who states the following:

Look, if Philly and wired.com bloggers can giggle at the joke, then clearly - mission accomplished. remember, these people don’t get out much anyways - they have to do what they can for entertainment. as for the story being made up, it’d be funny if it was about a joke or something, not about a computer program. it’s like trying to joke about HTML coding - it’d be more fun to hit your hand with a hammer repeatedly.

Well, I’ll agree that the Google Body entry wasn’t funny, but it certainly spawned some hilarity. And HTML jokes are awesome. Haven’t you ever seen my page trying to validate? And remember when I left that </strike> tag open and the entire page was crossed out? Ha!

Google to show your hoo-ha to the world [DigPhilly]
Yesterday: DigPhilly Speaks Out Against Fictional Programs