George Washington Blasts All Candidates

Some dudes decided to have a 1792 Presidential Debate to celebrate last night’s UFO-laden debate.

And, guess what? George Washington hates everybody running for office.

President Washington, as imposing a figure today as then, was more standing than running: “Well, sir, I do not run for office. I believe that the sheer fact that somone actively seeks an office is proof positive that they lack the characteristics to serve properly. Unfortunately, many politicians twistify the very engines that put them there and they are not as concerened with the common weal as they should be.”

Washington here just seems like he’s trying to install de facto term limits. Oh, I see, he’s president already, so all he has to do is say nobody’s running for office. And, unsurprisingly, Washington got 100% of the electoral college in 1792. George Washington was as much of an elected president as Saddam Hussein, apparently.

And less than 0.5 percent of the population voted back then, which means Washington got fewer votes than your average dumb blog gets today. More people will probably wear hats for the Philadelphia Wings (over 10,000), who are not playing this year, than voted for Washington in 1792 (9,478).

All hail King Washington, who is more like Rudy Giuliani than any other candidate.