Abridged ‘Daily News’ Columnists

Stu Bykofsky: Hey, you may not know this, with the Daily News being your only source of information and all, but a magazine poll ranked this city ugly! Also, here’s a note about City Council: “You’re more likely to find their pictures on a milk carton than on a Wheaties box.” Uhh, I know athletes tend to be attractive, but Wheaties box cover subjects aren’t chosen on attractiveness. As far as I know.

Stu Bykofsky: Wuzzah? Stu wrote two columns today? They’re both dated Oct. 29, so it seems so; the Daily News doesn’t label Byko’s columns as columns on Philly.com for some reason, so I miss them sometimes. Mdaybe the Travel + Leisure poll column is older?

This second column is about how the Democratic machine in this city wants you to vote for whoever the hell they want, which is how political machines work, but Stu isn’t having it. Anyway, apparently Jack Kelly’s I love puppies campaign worked on at least one person: “But a vote for Oh, in effect, may deprive Kelly of a vote, and since he’s Council’s leading animal advocate, I must vote for him.”

Chris Brennan: Some woman’s house was stolen and the dude who stole it is all, “Yo, I’ll give her some money, look how generous I am!”

John Baer: Hey, here’s how Vince Fumo can get off.