Philadelphia Will Do  
 

Phillies To Take On Rockies, God

100307jesusrockies.jpg

Well, guys, the Phillies might not have much of a chance in the series against the Rockies. I know, I know; you can be excited, but there isn’t much of a chance for the Phillies to win.

The Rockies, you see, have God on their side:

No copies of Playboy or Penthouse are in the clubhouse of baseball’s Colorado Rockies. There’s not even a Maxim. The only reading materials are daily newspapers, sports and car magazines and the Bible. Music filled with obscenities, wildly popular with youth today and in many other clubhouses, is not played. A player will curse occasionally but usually in hushed tones. Quotes from Scripture are posted in the weight room. Chapel service is packed on Sundays. Prayer and fellowship groups each Tuesday are well-attended. It’s not unusual for the front office executives to pray together.

Yes! An article in USA Today last year wrote about how after a Rockies pitcher was arrested for soliciting a prostitute a few years ago, the team decided to only sign guys of character. (Because sex between consenting adults is a horrible thing; you think they’d want to sign players who were smart enough to not get arrested for soliciting a prostitute, especially since they’re rich.)

So, anyway, I don’t know if the Phillies need to make a deal with the devil to win, but it does seem like they’re going to have a tough time playing against Angels in the outfield.

Baseball’s Rockies seek revival on two levels {USA Today]

  1. chrissmari Says: Oct 3 11:51 AM

    At least they show up for dates unlike SHF!

  2. ALB Says: Oct 3 11:52 AM

    I bet the Phillies’ clubhouse is full of photos of Alycia Lane in a bikini.

  3. SHF Says: Oct 3 11:56 AM

    Sorry, I forgot I had a prior engagement to fuck a girl out in Chestnut Hill. I’m really sorry. Can we fuck another time?

  4. chrissmari Says: Oct 3 11:57 AM

    as long as it wasn’t in mcnally’s i can forgive

  5. SHF Says: Oct 3 12:03 PM

    I don’t fuck girls in McNally’s.

  6. Anonymous Says: Oct 3 12:11 PM

    but do the Rockies players help out their ground crews on windy days?

  7. Jeff Says: Oct 3 12:57 PM

    Actually, the Phils have a chaplain who leads certain team members in prayer also, Richard Sparling. The result? I picture an old man, with a stern look and a long white beard and robe, sitting in a cloud with a Phillies bobblehead in one hand and a Rockies in the other, smashing them together like a five-year-old playing with toy soldiers.

  8. GFC Says: Oct 3 1:02 PM

    just go to fucking church where you belong and stop talking about religion.

  9. RF Says: Oct 3 1:10 PM

    And then, when they’re flying to away games, they have sex with random men in the restrooms.

  10. Old-head Says: Oct 3 1:10 PM

    Are people under 30 really as stupid as most of you make them sound?

  11. RF Says: Oct 3 1:11 PM

    And then, when they’re flying to away games, they have sex with random men in the airport restrooms.

  12. GFC Says: Oct 3 1:17 PM

    just go to fucking church where you belong and stop talking about religion.

  13. GFC Says: Oct 3 1:20 PM

    And to Old-head, yes, we are that stupid but what difference does it make?

  14. sly Says: Oct 3 1:45 PM

    If the rockies are such good christians why didn’t they help the grounds crew?

  15. Nicki Says: Oct 3 2:05 PM

    yeah, their team might worship God, but there’s been a whole hell of a lot of prayer in Philly this week.

  16. Rails Says: Oct 3 2:23 PM

    Since there are more Gods worshiped in Philly than Colorado I think we can pencil the Phillies in for a win. It’s all about teamwork. I’ll take Kali, Thor and The Great White Spirit for the win!

  17. Nicki Says: Oct 3 2:34 PM

    I was going to go with the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

  18. Lynn Says: Oct 3 11:13 PM

    Okay so no porn or obscenity for the Rox, and they quote Scripture and pray. All well and good.

    But how does God feel about cheating, again?

  19. Anonymous Says: Oct 4 10:34 AM

    The question is how do YOU feel about hot grits?

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