Mike Gravel Wins Shadow Debate

I was all excited for the Democratic Presidential Debate at Drexel last night because we’d get to see the wacky antics of Mike Gravel, the former Alaskan senator (he left the Senate in 1981) who is totally awesome and makes fun of all the other candidates.

Unfortunately, Gravel was banned from the debate because he’s polling somewhere south of negative 18 percent. A supporter offered MSNBC $1 million to add Gravel to the debate, knowing he’d never have to pay it. Oddly enough, you’d think NBC would be itching for any income it could get.

So Gravel held his own debate at World Cafe Live by himself and won it, too. His communications director said if Gravel is kicked out, so should two other losers.

“Mike Gravel is tied with Joe Biden and Chris Dodd in some polls and is higher in others,” David Eisenback said. “If it excludes Gravel, it should also exclude Senators Biden and Dodd.”

Meanwhile, Chris Dodd wants to put us on the road to legal weed, just like Gravel and Kucinich. Dennis Kucinich is suddenly a serious candidate; that’s totally awesome. Well, the serious candidate who sees UFOs.

George Washington Blasts All Candidates

Some dudes decided to have a 1792 Presidential Debate to celebrate last night’s UFO-laden debate.

And, guess what? George Washington hates everybody running for office.

President Washington, as imposing a figure today as then, was more standing than running: “Well, sir, I do not run for office. I believe that the sheer fact that somone actively seeks an office is proof positive that they lack the characteristics to serve properly. Unfortunately, many politicians twistify the very engines that put them there and they are not as concerened with the common weal as they should be.”

Washington here just seems like he’s trying to install de facto term limits. Oh, I see, he’s president already, so all he has to do is say nobody’s running for office. And, unsurprisingly, Washington got 100% of the electoral college in 1792. George Washington was as much of an elected president as Saddam Hussein, apparently.

And less than 0.5 percent of the population voted back then, which means Washington got fewer votes than your average dumb blog gets today. More people will probably wear hats for the Philadelphia Wings (over 10,000), who are not playing this year, than voted for Washington in 1792 (9,478).

All hail King Washington, who is more like Rudy Giuliani than any other candidate.

‘Bulletin’ Sez Republican Victory All But Assured

Ha ha, you know who’s shown to be competent recently? The Republicans, as they haven’t had a Senator arrested for soliciting sex in a public bathroom or a Congressman accused of talking dirty to kids online in, like, months. No, really! (Update: At least at a federal level.)

At least that’s what James G. Wiles of The Bulletin seems to think:

While the Democrats and their media allies search for some way to pin the California wildfires on George Bush and the Republicans, something far more significant is happening.

It’s beginning to occur to the Democrats that they can lose the 2008 elections. Two months ago, this was unthinkable. But now, the trend on the ground in Iraq has reversed. And, second, with the administration and the California Republican state government’s competent response to a major national disaster and Louisiana voters’ election of a Republican governor, the ghost of Katrina may be dissipating.

There go the Democrats’ two most winning issues.

Hey, the Republicans got it right this time, uh, I guess! Let’s vote ‘em in again despite the Iraq War and oil at a billion dollars a barrel and the war not paying for itself, which the Bush administration told us it would! How silly, people don’t like it when you invade them.

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Super Huge Pop Star Censored By Government

Hey, everybody, Will Bunch has our newest thing to boycott: It’s Star 104.5! Or, rather, Alice 104.5. Wait. Maybe it’s the station that simulcast WJJZ 106.1. Oh, wait, Rumba 104.5?

Wait, that’s right, I actually wrote about this before. (In the previous paragraph, I forgot Sunny 104.5, but that was in my article.) Anyway, Bunch says the station, now on an alt-rock format, was told by its owner not to play the new Bruce Springsteen song!

Yay! The new one that sounds just like “867-5309/Jenny”? Are they maybe worried about being sued by Tommy Tutone? Oh, no, wait, it’s his new track “Magic” which the always-reliable Fox News says Clear Channel has ordered its stations not to play.

Like Springsteen, these “older” artists have been relegated to something called Triple A format stations — i.e. either college radio or small artsy stations such as WFUV in the Bronx, N.Y., which are immune from the Clear Channel virus of pre-programming and where the number of plays per song is a fraction of what it is on commercial radio.

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Police Shooting In West Oak Lane

Hey, not fun news update: A second cop has been shot in Philadelphia for the second time in the past day; he was shot in the head at Dunkin’ Donuts in West Oak Lane. If you can get to a TV, the coverage is weird and surreal; going from, say, Guiding Light to coverage of a cop being shot, then back to the soap opera. This shooting was near a plaque dedication of fallen officers, which had to be postponed. (Update: Clarified that previous sentence.) That means there were a lot of officers nearby, and they’re chasing after the suspect. The officer shot in the head is in critical condition.

NBC 10 is going from the morning news magazine show with everyone dressed up in Halloween costumes to the coverage. Meanwhile, last night a police officer responded to a shooting at 15th and Sansom — hey, right outside the PW offices — and was shot at 22nd and Sansom in the shoulder. He’s going to be okay, reports say.

The suspect in the shooting last night at 9 apparently dove into the Schuylkill and died.

Philadelphia Police Officer Shot In Head [NBC 10]
Cop wounded by suspect in shooting of 3 [Inquirer]

Taubenberger: Seems Like A Nice Guy

Hey, Republican mayoral candidate Al Taubenberger has a television commercial and, as expected, it’s like the rest of his campaign: Sort of appropriate for a fifth grade student council election. In the ad, Philadelphians tell why they’re voting for Al Taubenberger for mayor. Or, that’s what a 1930s radio announcer says.

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Shameless Self-Promotion 10.31

Hey, lookatthat! It’s another Daniel McQuade cover story!

This one’s about another tangential-to-sports topic, Steve Odabashian, the guy who impersonates Eagles coach Andy Reid. According to my friend Rob over IM, “I thoroughly enjoyed it!” With praise like that, how could you ever not Reid it? (Sorry.)

If that’s not convincing enough, there’s a decent amount of cursing and the cover photo is fun. Huzzah.

Headset of the Class [PW]

Abridged ‘Daily News’ Columnists

Jill Porter: Hey, that judge I bashed, now a lot of people are bashing her even more.

John Baer: I don’t want Hillary to be president because of George HW Bush! Well…

Flavia Colgan: All the California National Guard’s equipment was in Iraq and not fighting fires.

Presidential Candidates Discuss UFOs

Even though Mike Gravel was banned from last night’s debate — more on this later — there was plenty of wackiness to go around. For example: This question about UFOs! Apparently Shirley MacLaine, the godmother of Dennis Kucinich’s daughter, wrote in her new book Kucinich told her he saw a UFO.

Then Barack Obama refused to have any fun with Tim Russert although everybody laughed at him because he’s good looking and charming. Hooray for democracy!

This Is About How Good The 76ers Are

Which means the 76ers will be safely stationary all season.

David Aldridge | Dalembert as anchor will keep 76ers sailing [Inquirer]