Herb Denenberg Is Awesome

I hadn’t read any of Herb’s columns in a while, but a perusal of a few of his recent musings are incredibly awesome. Denenberg is focusing less and less on consumer issues and more and more on people who he feels should be executed for their thoughts. Or something like that.

Oh? Now, you take a look.

How To Lose A War By Ignoring And Denying It, Aug. 24:

America, graced with its resources and military power, can’t lose this war against international terrorism unless the Democratic Party wins the White House and walks the most powerful nation in the history of the world down the path of retreat, defeat, surrender and appeasement. When that White Flag, now waved by the Democratic Party leadership, flies over the White House, it will truly symbolize the surrender of America and the end of America as we know it.

More »

Cute Doggies To Invade Pennsylvania In Nov.

I’ve seen media hordes around star athletes. I’ve seen media hordes around politicians holding hamburger buns in a reference to a 20-year-old catchphrase. (It was the LOLcat of its day.) I’ve even seen media hordes crowded around an anonymous guy in a giant shark mascot costume.

Before today, though, I had never stood behind a media horde attempting to photograph a group of dogs. Yes, that’s right, the above photo of photographers laying on the ground is because they’re taking photos of doggies who are drinking from martini glasses. (They’re drinking water.)

Today was a press conference for the National Dog Show, which is returning to the Pennsylvania Convention Center from November 15-18. I learned a bunch of facts about dogs and the dog show and the Philadelphia Kennel Club — did you know it predates the American Kennel Club? — today, but mainly I just looked at the doggies and went, “Aww.”

More »

Kids Nowadays, Etc.

Seaside Hights is the only shore town that might rival Wildwood for trashiness. It also recently had an awesome, awesome crime.

An adult used a toddler to steal the purse of a worker at a Seaside Heights boardwalk arcade, sneaking the child under a swinging door to pull off the midnight theft, according to a report in the Home News Tribune.

The adult, who is also carrying a skateboard, walks about the arcade with the children before using his or her foot to push the little girl under a short, swinging door to have the child steal the purse of a woman who works at the arcade.

What? The adult’s just teaching the kid to be fiscally responsible at a young age. There’s video here.

Adult uses toddler to snatch a purse in Seaside Heights [Star-Ledger Blog]

This Is Pretty Much The Greatest Headline Ever

Well, I mean, patriots love America and America-haters hate it. Right? I wonder which side Lee Harvey Oswald is on. I mean, sure, he shot the president, but he shot a Democratic president. That means the people at The Bulletin would love it, no?

Update: Oh shit! I actually read it. You should too. Here’s the third sentence.

I’ll give you my view of the issue up front: I think anyone who doesn’t love America and realize it is the greatest nation in the history of the world is either demented (on the far side of crazy) or incredibly dumb.

Looking Into Divide Between Patriots, America-Haters [The Bulletin]
Yesterday: Democratic Party Supports Noted President Killer

Ha Ha Everyone Left Riverside

About a year ago, Riverside, New Jersey, passed a law forbidding owners from employing or renting to illegal immigrants. And, whoops!

With the departure of so many people, the local economy suffered. Hair salons, restaurants and corner shops that catered to the immigrants saw business plummet; several closed. Once-boarded-up storefronts downtown were boarded up again. [...]

Numerous storefronts on Scott Street are boarded up or are empty, with For Sale by Owner signs in the windows. Business is down by half at Luis Ordonez’s River Dance Music Store, which sells Western Union wire transfers, cellphones and perfume. Next door, his restaurant, the Scott Street Family Cafe, which has a multiethnic menu in English, Spanish and Portuguese, was empty at lunchtime.

Riverside rescinded the law, but they already spent so much money defending the law in court they had to delay road repaving. But, hey, the Brazilian flags that “rankled more than a few longtime residents” are gone, so huzzah!

Towns Rethink Laws Against Illegal Immigrants [NYT]

One Commenter’s Dream Inching Closer To Reality

Okay, now they’re just teasing us. A CBS 3 video about Bikini Madness? If they really want to increase ratings during the next sweeps, just show Alycia Lane in a bikini — they’ll pass even Action News in no time.

At Your Desk 9.27 [CBS 3]

Abridged ‘Daliy News’ Columnists

Stu Bykofsky: Ha ha, John Street apparently never pays his bills on time!

Michael Smerconish: Charles Barkley is so awesome he made this Michael Smerconish column pretty good.

Eagles Honor Greatest Philadelphians; What, No Milton?

Dunkin Donuts — the official coffee of the Eagles™ — released its list of the 75 Greatest Living Philadelphians. This is done in conjunction with the Philadelphia Eagles, who are celebrating their 75th year. Why the Eagles and DD are honoring great Philadelphians, I do not know, but, hey, whatevs.

As expected, the list does not include me or Ira Einhorn. It does, however, include our own bloodthirsty district attorney, Lynne Abraham! Congratulations, Lynne!

But the most deserving member on the list is most certainly RED KLOTZ. Klotz, if you didn’t know, is the coach of the New York Nationals, the team that plays (and loses to) the Harlem Globetrotters every game. Formerly, he coached the Washington Generals, the previous team to hold that honor. Red, you’re a better ambassador to Philadelphia than I or Lynne Abraham could ever hope to be. And, really, since you coach a basketball team that loses every game, you fit in with Philadelphia perfectly.

Other notable names on the list: The Dunph, Ron Jaworski, Sonny Hill, David L. Cohen, the guy who runs the Narberth Basketball League (Dan Kazanicka), Len Law (awesome name #1), William J. Marrazzo (the much-loved WHYY President), Mary Mason, Erin McCool (awesome name #2), Larry Mendte, U.S. Rep Patrick Murphy, Q102’s Diego Ramos (!), Dawn Staley and Judy Wicks. Oh, this list is getting better and better the more I read it.

Full release and list after the jump.

More »

Mayor Can’t Keep Track of All His Wheelings & Dealings

Hey, so remember when John Street tried to get in property tax delinquents? And then he accidentally — whoops! — was delinquent on property taxes himself? Well, how’d that happen?

Good luck getting an answer from the mayor, he has no idea!

At issue are tax bills for two of Mayor Street’s properties that had not been paid since 2003. Street paid the nearly $5,000 bill only after being told of the matter by a reporter last week. In his first public comments on this, Street said there’s confusion over the bills, and said he won’t try to straighten it out in the media:

“That’s personal, and I’m not going to get into how I pay my bills. Legitimate taxes weren’t paid on time, and when I found out, I paid them. And I think that’s good enough.”

Street also overpaid on some other bills, but he’s a millionaire so it doesn’t really matter. Ha ha, John Street is a millionaire! What are you going to tell me next, state legislators make six figures? Oh, shit.

Mayor Mum About Why He Failed To Pay Property Taxes [KYW 1060]

Mmm, Animal Liver Really Wets My Appetite

I don’t like food, but if I did, I’d have a rule for the meat I eat: If I know where it came from, I don’t want to eat it. We know hamburgers come from cows, but who knows what part of the cow it came from. We know hot dogs come from pigeons and rats and shoes, but who knows what part of the shoe you’re eating.

Anyway, this — well, among other reasons — is why I have absolutely no desire to eat lobster. You know it’s a lobster when you eat it. You know when you eat the… whatever part of a lobster you eat. (The claws? You don’t eat the claws, do you?) And this is also why I have absolutely no desire to eat foie gras (foy GRASS). Mmm, goose/duck liver? Yum!

But that doesn’t mean I want to cave in to the four people who don’t want you to eat foy grass. Well, actually, I don’t care; if restaurants don’t want to serve it because of protesters, go ahead. And if they want to serve it, uh, that’s okay too? Anyway, as part of a promotion, a group of local restaurants will be serving foy grass for just five dollars.

We do not believe that a minority of animal rights zealots should determine the direction of our business. Nor do we want to be intimidated by them at our restaurants or homes. We want the City Council to know that these few do not represent the whole of Philadelphia.

In the city of Philadelphia, the birthplace of American liberty, we want to keep the right to serve foie gras.

I believe that’s in the Declaration of Independence: That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to eat as much disgusting-sounding Duck Liver as they want.

Try foie gras for $5 [Foobooz]
[Image by Pikaluk, licensed via Creative Commons]