Rock Paper Scissors Tourney Offers PBR, Uh, Bike

Hey! In case you didn’t know, I’m kind of a big wheel in the world of competitive rock paper scissors. (Photographic evidence here in shot #2.) And by “big wheel,” I mean, “I’m actually quite atrocious.”

Unfortunately for the rest of the league, I hit an inexplicable hot streak during the finals of the RPS City League this year and ended up advancing to the final eight before losing to the eventually runner-up. And, so, I am technically ranked in the top eight in the city, a notable fact I enjoy bringing up every 30 seconds or so. Mwahahaha!

Anyway, Saturday, October 6 is the annual “Keystone Classic,” which I kind of like to call the state championship of RPS, a moniker I am fairly sure is inaccurate. Perhaps it’s the Northeastern United States championships. Last year I refereed the Keystone Classic, and managed to do a terrible job.

Anyway, this year’s RPS Keystone Classic features a $5 entry fee and a top prize of $500. Second place, though, is a Pabst Blue Ribbon bike. I’m kinda hope it’s made out of cans of PBR, but I assume it’s just a regular blue bike with a Pabst logo on it. If you win this bike and lock it in the City of Philadelphia, it is guaranteed to be stolen within 15 minutes.

Sure, you could buy a PBR bicycle on eBay, but what’s the point when you can get one just for placing second in a rock paper scissors tournament. Honestly, when I get to the finals, I might just throw the match so I can drunkenly ride that bike home. Actually, that’s probably a bad idea; I’d better just win instead. Or, more likely, lose in the first round.

Full release after the jump.

Dear PBRPRPSCLCS Mailing List Member:

I am pleased to announce that the 3rd annual Pabst Blue Ribbon Rock Paper Scissors Keystone Classic will take place October 6th at Whiskey Dix Saloon.

The Keystone Classic is the last and most prestigious event leading up to the conclusion of the 2007 season at the World Championships in Toronto on October 13th. This will be a good warm-up for the players from Philadelphia traveling to Toronto this year to fight for the title (which I will probably win).

The entry fee is $5 with a first place prize of $500. Runner-up gets a PBR bike. Tickets are limited to 128 and advanced registration (which I highly recommend) and all the other info you need is available at www.northeastrpschamps.com. Don’t miss your shot at becoming the 2007 Keystone Classic Champ!

Hope to see you on the 6th.

C. Urbanus