Fast Food Nearly Kills Someone Quickly This Time

Yesterday, NBC 10 ran a breaking exclusive story of a man who choked on an onion ring and then crashed his truck because of it. Miraculously, though, the crash saved his life because it dislodged the onion ring.

Basically, this story encompasses everything one needs to know about America: giant automobiles, fast food, God and stupidity.

Bryan Rocco has a hunger for fast food but never thought a Burger King onion ring would almost kill him, NBC 10’s Ted Greenberg reported. “I was eating my lunch on the road,” Rocco said, adding that he soon found himself “gasping for air.”

Nice lead-in. Wouldn’t that work for every story where someone dies or nearly dies? “Bob Smith liked skydiving, but he never thought his ‘chute wouldn’t open!”

“I was coughing. I tried to wash it down with soda. That didn’t work,” Rocco said. “I blacked out — must have passed out from choking on an onion ring,” Rocco said. The SUV he was driving jumped the curb and slammed into a tree. But when he came to, the onion ring was gone.

“I guess when the airbag came out, it must’ve dislodged it,” Rocco said. “It’s just amazing. … For once, you can say it was a good accident.”[...]

“Something saved him. Angels, God, whatever you believe. Something happened. I’m just thanking God he’s fine,” said Rocco’s daughter, Stephanie Hickman.

Oh, that dude’s insurance company is totally going to sue God.

Man Says Crash Saved Him From Choking On Onion Ring [NBC 10]
Neb. state senator sues God in protest [AP/Yahoo!]