He Ran (So Far Away) But He Couldn’t Get Away

In February of last year, Daniel Gallagher was minding his own business, driving down at the Packer Marine Terminal. And then he turned and — whoops! — he ran over a giant flock of seagulls, killing 189 of them. A very common occurrence. I mean, who hasn’t this happened to?

Gallagher, 50, was in municipal court yesterday, but not to get a medal of commendation for doing the world a favor by killing a bunch of dump gulls. No, he is on trial for killing those infernal birds, which is sort of like being arrested for kicking a pigeon. (Sorry, Sara.)

The prosecution used all its powers to attempt to convict this hero, introducing every piece of evidence except thousands of letters to Santa Claus.

Gallagher took the stand in his own defense after Assistant District Attorney Bill James mounted a prosecution that included three dozen photographs, a videotape, and a witness list that included city, state and federal officials and a self-taught seagull expert.

“We even have frozen birds,” said James, but he did not bring them to court.

Mmm! Frozen bird! The seagull trial took time out from Municipal Court Judge Deborah Shelton Griffin’s normal caseload of “public drunkenness, disorderly conduct, open alcohol containers and public urination,” according to the Inquirer.

Gallagher took the stand in his own defense. He admits killing the 183 birds — six later had to be euthanized — but says it was just an accident.

In his testimony, Gallagher said he was rushing to get to the office because the ship could not sail until he delivered his paperwork and because he needed to use the bathroom.

He decided to cut across the lot because it was more direct, he said. While driving with his left hand and talking to a crane operator on a walkie-talkie in his right hand, he said, his coffee cup from the morning started to tip over, causing some fumbling.

At that moment, he said, gulls flew at the truck, “throwing a blanket over the windshield.”

Ahh, the old paperwork/bathroom/coffee/walkie-talkie defense! The prosecution said even if it was an accident, it was depraved indifference to human bird life and said, “He had every opportunity to stop or not drive through them at all.”

If convicted Gallagher will be thrown into jail with Mike Vick or something. He killed way more birds than Vick killed dogs, but nobody cares about seagulls so there aren’t any protests.

Flock of seagulls flap: ‘Roosters’ get day in court [Inquirer]