Abridged ‘Daily News’ Columnists

God dammit all the columns today are on subjects I have absolutely no interest in hearing about. It’s the end of the summer! Write about babes on the beach or how awesome puppies are or about how the sky is blue. Or the gay bathroom sex senator from Idaho! And: Michael Smerconish, write about something other than sports. I already read enough horrible columns on the sports pages, I don’t need to read another one on the opinion page.

Consider this a public service that I’m summarizing (”summarizing”) these columns today because I really don’t want to.

Michael Smerconish: It’s about how the media is treating Andy Reid’s kids unfairly or something. Yes, I really want to hear more about Britt and Garrett Reid and how they need help (and the one needs Accutane).

Ronnie Polaneczky: It’s a sad story about a woman who lost 1 1/2 legs from a gunshot wound and it’s all sad and I don’t want to read it.

Stu Bykofsky: Some reverend wants money to rehab his church, and he wants it from Wachovia, which didn’t do anything wrong, and he pickets outside the bank’s headquarters. I cannot think of a better way to serve Jesus than picketing a bank to get them to give you money. Actually, this column was decent enough.