Chris Freind Has Clearly Never Been To Philadelphia

It’s been a while since I’ve checked in with America’s Greatest Columnist, Chris Freind, probably because the last time I did I saw he was writing about all the same stuff I do.

Well, in a column yesterday he’s sticking to the quasi-Philadelphia Will Do beat — namely, making fun of John Street — only he’s attempting to make a serious point instead of attempting to send American, or at least Philadelphian, worker productivity to its lowest levels in years.

From his newest column, it is clear Freind has never stepped foot in Philadelphia, and possibly not New York, either. It appears he has gotten all his news about Philadelphia from the crime report on NBC 10. (It follows the opening story, the weather.) It is also clear Freind likes making statistics up instead of actually finding them: “If you take a poll of Center City business owners, you could probably count on one hand how many favor the new regulations.” Yes, you probably could. Maybe. Possibly. Oh, let’s just assume it is, why don’t we!

(Shrewd readers may note I did a similar thing just earlier this month. Shrewd bloggers will tell you to shut up.)

Freind’s column concerns the new parking meter regulations in Center City. Rates doubled, almost all meters have to be paid until 10 p.m. and more convenient ways to pay are apparently baffling to Philadelphians. And, apparently every time I walk home from quizzo, I’m putting my life on the line.

Instead of running the gauntlet of criminals just once at the end of an evening, you will be forced to do it several times or face huge parking fines. Quite frankly, I’m surprised this hasn’t become a reality TV show yet. Viewers could vote as to which contestant they think isn’t going to make it back to the pub alive. You would have Philadelphians (and tourists) faced with rape, robbery, and, in true Hollywood fashion, the very real possibility of getting blown away — over a disputed parking space!

This is one of two things: (1) Freind is attempting to use hyperbole to make a point here — I’m not quite sure what it is, though — and he’s gone a bit over the top. (2) Freind really thinks Philadelphia is like Escape from New York. (He could also be trying to do a Stephen A. Smith impression.)

But here’s the most classic line of all: “On any given day, you can be downtown, and it’s New York almost.” Yeah. Almost.

It’s funny. Just the other day I was in New York, and as much as I tried to notice the resemblance between the two cities, the similarity escaped me. New York has Manhattan; we don’t. End of story.

Of course, there is one area where we do beat New York: killings. Welcome to Philadelphia.

Of course, this quote — unsourced from the Inquirer — is referring to parking space occupancy, not comparing the cities per se, but then again: In a column ostensibly about higher parking rates, Chris Freind managed to work in the city’s murder rate.

City Hall’s Priorities Are Beyond Warped [The Bulletin]