Fear & Loathing: Inter-Store One-Act Play

Fear & Loathing in Franklin Mills is America’s number one series on class in America. Hi. Dan here. I was recently informed that the puppy store at Franklin Mills has closed. (It may have closed a long time ago, I haven’t been there in almost a year.) This is good (because you shouldn’t buy dogs at a pet store, for ethical/economic reasons) but also bad (because puppies, even those in pet stores, are cute).

This is also bad for the anonymous author of the critically-acclaimed series that I occasionally remember to run, Fear & Loathing in Franklin Mills. She can no longer look at cute puppies on her breaks. I think the puppy store at Neshaminy is still there, but they’re separated and you can’t get up close. Lame.

Anyway, the following story has nothing to do with puppies.

The fabulous thing about working for a company that owns two stores in the same mall is that occasionally inter-store drama erupts. Take for example this past weekend’s shenanigans involving two of my co-workers.

Co-worker #1 (who looks like the female version of Don Cheadle) recently began dating a white guy and within a week decided that she loathed all black people (a choice I still don’t quite understand). We’ve all been trying to ignore her, but on Saturday afternoon, she made it impossible.

Co-worker #2 was working in the baby store alone. She called the lingerie store to ask if one of the four employees there could come relieve her for a 15-minute break. Co-worker #1 answered the phone and, because she hates all black people, instigated an argument about — I don’t even know what, but I assume it was something ridiculous. The argument became heated and eventually Co-worker #1 dropped the N-bomb.

Co-worker #2 is outraged. She hangs up the phone, pulls down the gate at the baby store and storms up to the lingerie store where she grabs Co-worker #1 by her foot-long microbraids, spins her a full 360 degrees and then hurls her into a massive container of empty bra hangers.

The best part of all this: When the manager found out that there had been a fight in the store, Co-worker #2 was punished. But only because she forgot to leave a “Back in 5” sign on the baby store.