Philadelphia Will Do  
 

Aug

2

Thousands Of Cars No Match For Red-Tailed Hawk

080207stjoeshawk.jpg

Traffic on I-95 was “snarled” this morning, preventing thousands of people in this car city from getting to their Stephen Starr restaurants on time.

Anyway, traffic was backed up because there was a red-tailed hawk in the left lane near the Academy Road exit, which is also near where I grew up. Coincidence? Uh, yes, of course. The bird backed up traffic on both sides for about an hour, largely because of gaper delays. But despite everyone slowly driving by the hawk at 10 miles per hour, nobody knew what the hell it was.

A radio report mentioned it might be an osprey. Or it could have been an owl, said a representative of the Philadelphia Animal Care and Control Association.

It looked like one, according to Inquirer Inqlings columnist Michael Klein, who was driving by.

But New Jersey editor Kurt Heine was fairly certain: “It was a red-tailed hawk,” he said. “This was a brown and white bird, a big raptor.”

What did I say before about taking breaking news media reports with a grain of salt? Yeah, that. I think the real question is, what the hell kind of owls do we have in this city if they can be confused for hawks? Will we one day be under siege from giant owls with the wingspans of small trucks? Hopefully, because then Steven Seagal could save us, and if I remember correctly from sixth grade there’s nudity in that movie, too.

It was a hawk that snarled I-95 this morning [Inquirer]
 
dmac | 10:56 AM | 10 Comments
Giant Owls, Hawks, Inquirer, Steven Seagal, Traffic
 
  1. ALB Says: Aug 2 12:09 PM

    It sort of looked like Alycia Lane in a bikini when I drove by.

  2. yt Says: Aug 2 12:11 PM

    Then you should not be driving.

  3. GFC Says: Aug 2 12:15 PM

    just go to fucking church where you belong and stop talking about whether people should be driving.

  4. yt Says: Aug 2 12:37 PM

    Quite the witty rejoinder.

    just go to fucking church and stop talking about witty rejoinders.

    I’d like to see Alycia Lane in a witty rejoinder.

    just go to fucking church and stop talking about Alycia Lane in witty rejoinders.

    I’d like to see Alycia Lane at church wearing a witty rejoinder.

    just go to fucking church and stop talking about seeing Alycia Lane at church in a witty rejoinder.

    wait, its really going to get funny soon…

  5. ALB Says: Aug 2 12:40 PM

    I have no interest in seeing Alycia Lane in a witty rejoinder. I want to see her in a _BIKINI_.

    Gosh, some people sure are slow.

  6. GFC Says: Aug 2 12:45 PM

    just go to fucking church where you belong and stop talking about witty rejoinders.

  7. mike Says: Aug 2 12:54 PM

    dmac, you should take a vote amongst all the commenters about whether or not to ban ALB/GFC. He’s a menace to PWD society.

  8. GFC Says: Aug 2 1:01 PM

    just go to fucking church where you belong and stop talking about banning me.

  9. chris Says: Aug 3 12:37 PM

    no way can you ban him. the comments section would be so barren without his lunacy

  10. ALB Says: Aug 3 12:58 PM

    Send me photos of Alycia Lane in a bikini (real ones, not fake ones) and I’ll stop posting.

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