Preteen Gangs Lack Element Of Surprise, Strong Defense

Since Penn kids are being attacked by gangs of young kids, it only goes that naturally one of my friends was one of those who encountered the young ruffians.

A thrilling Gtalk conversation follows:

Anonymous Attacked Friend From U. City: i’m one of those incidents! woooo!

me: nice!
AAFFUC: i didn’t get robbed though, they just threw rocks at me
me: can i anonymously interview you?
AAFFUC: sure

The exciting details, including the secret to defeating the nine-year-olds, after the jump.

me: anyway so a bunch of 9-year-olds threw rocks at you

AAFFUC: pretty much yeah.
they may have been more like 12
me: yeah how do they know it’s between 9 and 13 or whatever
AAFFUC: yeah i’m not sure. i mean, they could have been nine. they were not terribly accurate with their rocks.
they started to run at me
and i held up my phone
and they ran away
me: haha so do you think they thought it was a gun??
AAFFUC: i’m not sure what they thought it was
maybe they thought i knew their parents
me: “oh shit! he’s got a RAZR!”
me: how many were there?
AAFFUC: four or five. i forget.
i called it in, but then i didn’t feel like waiting for the cops to show up, so i’m not sure if i count as one of the reported incidents
me: where was it
AAFFUC: 40th/locust
the best part was there was a woman with a baby stroller who just stood and watched the entire thing
then said “oh lordy” when they ran away
me: were you considering throwing rocks back?
if not — why that woulda been awesome
AAFFUC: see, i don’t know where these kids got their rocks
cause they had some big rocks
AAFFUC: all i had at my disposal were pebbles
me: do you think they made a special trek to go pick up rocks at the railroad tracks to throw at people?
AAFFUC: i think they may have. they certainly were prepared.
they could have been better prepared though
they were on the other side of the street
AAFFUC: and they pointed and yelled at me
then crossed
then threw
so, i mean, i wasn’t caught off guard
me: i mean they were scared off by a phone
AAFFUC: yes, the phone thing really did the trick.
me: hmm. now we know their kryptonite.
AAFFUC: yes we do.
i’m sure there are alternatives too
kids still get spanked, right? victims should consider threatening their attackers with a belt
me: if only you had stayed for the police the media could have reported their weak spot.
AAFFUC: yes, well, the inquirer isn’t taking my calls
so the media is blind to this issue