Old Man Tells Tattooed Kids To Get Off His Lawn

An old man — perhaps not old in age, but definitely in spirit — has a column in the Daily News today complaining about tattoos being ugly. In case you didn’t get that the first time, I”ll repeat: An old man has a column in the Daily News today complaining about tattoos being ugly.

Daniel Cirucci, a PR consultant who is defiling my name, begins his tome by writing about how young people are inspired to get tattoos because of Angelina Jolie and Allen Iverson. (One might think that since tattoos are popular, it would only make sense celebrities would have tattoos as well. Then again, one might also think to not write a column whining about tattoos.) He also names Mary J. Blige, who I hear the kids are really into these days.

He then says that some jobs don’t want you to have visible tattoos! And the Marines don’t want you to have tattoos — because if there’s one group of people who don’t have tattoos, it’s soldiers. Then, he goes on to write that the Bible forbids tattoos.

Let’s face it, tattoos don’t age well, and the sentiments they express often turn out to be the product of a temporary bout of insanity - or passion. And speaking of sentiments, the Bible long ago weighed in on body adornment proclaiming: “You shall not make gashes in your flesh for the dead or incise any marks on yourself.”

You people with tattoos are so insane! Why can’t you listen to the phrase in a book written by the omnipotent deity I worship who also told Abraham to kill his son like normal people!

The column ends with a proclamation: If you won’t stop having a tattoo for God, or for your employer, or for a non-tattooed celebrity, then won’t you do it for Daniel Cirucci?

The idea is that your body is the temple of your soul, an instrument on loan from God to contain your essence and you should not deface it. Makes sense to me.

Yet many people don’t seem to get the message. Which makes me want to ask: Why bother with a tattoo when there are kinder, gentler ways to make a statement, demonstrate your love, show your affiliation or remember a loved one? Besides, some of us would rather not see your tattoos anyway. There are enough in-your-face sentiments being expressed everywhere we turn. We don’t need any more.

So here’s my summer plea: Do the world a favor. Think long and hard before you get a tattoo.

And if you already have one, cover it up or consider having it removed.

Hey, Daniel, here’s an idea: We don’t want to hear your inane ramblings about things that annoy you. Next time you come up with one, don’t tell anybody. Jesus. This column was more of a waste of ink than any tattoo.

Too much ugly ink [Daily News]