Mac Nerds Making Halo Fans Look Pretty Good

In case you don’t have ears, Friday is the launch of the iPhone, the most hyped product since movable printed type. The iPhone is the successor to the iPod (I guess), and is just like an iPod except you can get on the web, check your email and watch porn. Oh, and you can make calls.

Despite the pitfalls of buying a first generation device — the demo on Apple’s website does pretty much make you want one — many fans are clamoring so much for the new device they’re already waiting in line to make sure they can secure the newest creation of Apple CEO Steve Jobs. (He made it all by himself!)

Five people were in line by Tuesday afternoon outside Apple’s Fifth Avenue store in New York City, three of them having been in line since Monday. “Words can’t express why I want an iPhone,” said Jessica Rodriguez, 24, a college student. “The main reason is Steve Jobs is a genius. He’s a great innovator. It’s going to be the next big thing in cell phones.”

“Hey, why are you putting in that light bulb? Do you enjoy working at night?”

“Hell no. I just think Thomas Edison is a genius!”

IPhone Monthly Plans Start at $59.99 [AP/Philly.com]

SEPTA To Improve… Marketing

SEPTA has finally heard your complaints, people! For years, people of pretty much all Philadelphians from every walk of life saying that while SEPTA has impeccable transportation provided you want to travel down to Broad, Frankford or Market streets, the rest has a leaves a bit to be desired.

And SEPTA has finally answered the call.

“Some critics have said we haven’t marketed ourselves well,” [SEPTA GM Richard] Maloney said. “This is an example of very targeted marketing in areas of the system that have growth potential.”

Oh. Yes, that’s right, SEPTA is now marketing to annoying people in Manayunk and Roxborough bars with beer coasters, along with magnets, maps and buttons. Ooh, I can’t wait to wear my R6 button! (Where’s my Cornwells Heights station pin? I gotta rep the R7, guys!)

Now, while the campaign is only costing $45 grand and, sure, maybe it will attract riders, the quotes from SEPTA brass are all pretty priceless.

• “We also produced a pocket-sized map,” SEPTA marketing director Rich DiLullo said yesterday. “On one side is a map and the other side is a quirky characterization about the different routes.”
• “What I liked about this campaign is it’s portable,” DiLullo said. “If we did some route restructuring in Chester, we’d be able to promote it in this way as well. We’ve created a template.”
• “The challenge has always been, how do you target people without spending a gazillion dollars … and attract people’s attention,” DiLullo said.

Rich: Duh, you start a blog.

EPTA hopes to pick up riders with bar campaign [Metro]
[Photo via Metro]

Popeye The Sadist Man

I dare you to read this comic and tell me you still believe in the First Amendment. And maybe the Second, too.

Horrow show face off [The Comics Curmudgeon]

Breaking: Philly’s Homicide Problem Solved

Police: Murders Not Yet at 200 [6 ABC]

Crack Airline Security Does It Again

Some dude angry about a long wait for apple juice forced a flight headed to North Carolina to be diverted to Philadelphia.

Officials say the man became irate and used profanity aboard a Delta flight from LaGuardia airport in New York to Greensboro, NC on Tuesday afternoon around 5pm.

The flight was diverted to Philadelphia, where it was determined that the man had become upset over a lengthy wait for some apple juice he had ordered.

The FBI is “tight-lipped” about its investigation, but expect tomorrow the announcement of the capture of the infamous Apple Juice Bomber.

Man Angry Over Apple Juice Forces Plane to Land in Philadelphia [KYW 1060]

Abridged ‘Daily News’ Columnists

Jill Porter: Hey, calling opponents of new gun laws insane will surely make my point!

John Baer: State Republicans don’t care about sick people.

Local Human Billboards Participate In Publicity Stunt

Yesterday, a Philadelphia couple began a month-long publicity stunt for M&Ms by “exchanging vows” at City Hall. (Don’t worry, this will start to make sense in a minute. Ha ha, just kidding, no it won’t.) Their vow: To communicate with each other using only M&Ms for one month. The point of the stunt is to get local TV stations to write about candy, and, golly gee, it is a success!

Jennifer Farina and Ryan Donlon are not only forbidden to speak with each other for a month, they also aren’t allowed to text message each other. Oh, and a bunch of cameras in their house are going to track their every move to make sure they’re not cheating.

So can one really express emotion with just the letter ‘m’? Well, no. But Mars has given them a bunch of custom-printed M&Ms to promote a website that allows one to purchase custom-printed M&Ms.

Donlon has already categorized their new sweet vocabulary. “I have 9,000 of these at home,” he said. “Different numbers, messages, words, things to communicate how your day was.”

The M&M’s are even color coded for emotions. “Reds are all angry, crazy, mad. The pink ones are all love,” Donlon said.

In the spirit of this promotion, if I see either Ryan or Jennifer during the next 30 days, I’m only going to communicate with two words: you and fuck.

Couple Takes Unusual Vow Of Sweet Silence [CBS 3]

Phillies Get Meaningless Revenge 43 Years Later

When the Phillies blew a 6 1/2 game lead with 12 to play in 1964, the catalyst (if you will) was a 1-0 loss to the Cincinnati Reds on Sept. 21, where Chico Ruiz stole home in the top of the sixth for the game’s only run.

Well, ho ho, Cincinnati Reds! You can suck it now: Last night in an 11-4 victory, Phillies catcher Carlos Ruiz stole home in the bottom of the 2nd. Yeah, I’m not quite sure how it worked either. Michael Bourn went from first and Ruiz dashed home once the throw went to second.

But, hey, either way, you can suck it, Chico! Yeah, you must feel pretty bad right now, if you’re still alive! (Editor’s Note: he’s been dead for 30+ years.) It’s okay, Gene Mauch, you’re off the hook or something. Clearly, a steal of home in a mid-season win over the worst team in baseball has evened the score once and for all.

The Phils are actually only 2.5 games back of the Mets blablablablabla.

Reds-Phillies 9.21.64 [Retrosheet]
Philadelphia 11, Cincinnati 4 [AP/Yahoo! Sports]

Regarding The Alycia Lane Bikini Comments

I’m really torn on this. On one hand, I don’t read the comments for the most part and don’t really care what goes in there. And on the other hand, I kind of like the idea that this is bothering people so much. And that someone has enough time to annoy people like this anyway.

So I’ve reached a compromise. Every single instance of “Alycia Lane” in a comment regarding access to her bikini photos has been changed to “Larry Mendte.”

You can thank me later.

(Oh, yeah, we’re going to have comment registration soon since I’m tired of deleting spam. I expect this to take place in 2028 or so.)

Warning: This Post Contains Strong Language

Hey, remember that smoking ban everyone was all up in arms about for a while? Well, yeah, it looks like it’s not gonna matter at all! The Pennsylvania Senate yesterday pretty much decided the state is going to have a smoking ban, but there will be tons of exemptions. Oh, and it overrides all local laws, so Philadelphians will indeed be free to smoke in parts of casinos.

The bill’s exemptions are for restaurants where food makes up less than 25 percent of sales, cigar bars (probably the most sensible exemption), a quarter of casino floor areas and, of course, “charitable fund-raisers where cigars are sold.”

This was quite a reasonable debate, of course, with the head of the ACS in Pennsylvania saying legislators were murdering thousands of people while legislators decided to come out against the bill with strong words.

Sen. Jim Ferlo, D-Allegheny, called the exemptions “disgusting gobbledygook,” and Sen. Anthony Williams, D-Philadelphia, said the changes were like “a pig in lipstick” being billed as a beauty queen.

Yes, that’ll show ‘em.

Senate acts to curb Phila. smoking ban [Inquirer]
Weaker Pa. version would override city’s smoking law [Metro]