Breaking: Penguins Don’t Want To Go To Camden

By far, this is the best press release of the year:

To all my friends in the media, good morning. Please be advised that the information below should replace any and all previous e-mail calendar listings you might have for Adventure Aquarium - specifically those listing the event formerly known as PENGUIN-PALOOZA. This event is not happening at Adventure Aquarium and all the events that are taking place are listed in the revised calendar listing below

As soon as possible please remove any information from your publications and/or websites that refer to PENGUIN-PALOOZA and replace them with the events I have listed below. Thank you so much for your efforts on this and helping us to make sure that each and every guest to your outlet is the best and most informed readers. Have a great day.

So what happened? Did the penguins escape? Did the penguins not want to go to Camden? (This seems the most likely option.) Did the penguins think “PENGUIN-PALOOZA” didn’t really make much sense either? The public demands to know!

Update: The plot thickens! Penguin Island is apparently still an attraction at the Adventure Aquarium!