May18 |
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Cole Hamels Is Not Friends With Homeowners’ Association
While the so-called “Main Stream Media” was asleep at the switch, the commenters on Philly.com were on the case on the truth about Cole Hamels. Sure, he was perfect through 6 innings, retiring the first 18 batters he faced, in Wednesday’s 6-2 win over the Milwaukee Brewers. But how does he treat his fellow man? Pretty shitty, according to the comments. All of them have been removed, but I’ll share the earth-shattering revelation that sparked the debate over Cole Hamels’ personal life yesterday.
Using the time-honored journalistic source of a nurse near Citizens Bank (Park, I assume) who knows a doctor who has a neighbor who knows Cole Hamels, commenter ksmags gets the “inside scoop” on Mr. Hamels, making sure we all know his neighbors have to carry his trash around the neighborhood on Mondays and Tuesdays for some reason. And Cole Hamels eats like 15 deer a week, so I bet his bags are heavy. Hamels should know, however, that he should bring his garbage bags out to the field with him like every other major league player. Prima donna. This Hamels comment came directly after this groundbreaking comment from Curly: “Feets don’t fail me now! WOOB WOOB WOOB WOOB!!!” Phils win as Hamels flirts with no-hitter [Phillies] |
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My neighbor’s cousin’s ex-girlfriend’s dog told me that Aaron Rowand kicks babies. So its gotta be true.
There can be only one thing in those bags: Milton Streets’ heads.
As I said on Beerleaguer, he should be able to put his grass clippings wherever he wants because he’s 6-1 with 70 strikeouts. Those grass clippings can be dumped on top of the Declaration of Independence for all I care.
Judging by the size/shape, it’s not grass clippings in those bags. It’s Milton Streets’ many heads.
As I said on Beerleaguer, Hamels should be able to put his grass clippings wherever he wants because he’s 6-1 with 70 strikeouts. Those grass clippings can be dumped on top of the Declaration of Independence for all I care.
I like the third version of my post best.
Sorry, Jason, I accidentally deleted one of your three comments.
If Cole Hamels were my neighbor, I’d…I’d…shit, I have no idea what I’d do. Probably drop dead from joy.
Well let me just chime in; I kinda ran into the guy at Spring Training after a game he pitched. While all the little bratty autograph seekers were thrusting their baseballs and pens at him through the gate, I asked him a simple question about when he’d get the starting day nod…..well, he responded rather defensively. That’s fine, after all, I might be 5′ 10″ and not a major league pitcher, but I am athletically built and hold a certain dignified air (I’d like to think)…perhaps this kid (he’s 23) just took me the wrong way.
I did notice he was very accomodating to the kids and that was a definite clue in to his personality. Thumbs up to Cole. Plus, I am used to that kind of response from people of notability…it comes with the territory.
we love the naked guy!!! we know him, and his name is andy!!! =)
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