Phillycars.com Spokesman New Gnarls Barkley

Hey, remember Kevin from Phillycars.com? Yeah, you remember him. He sang the “Phil! A! Del! Phia! That’s where I come from!” song on the ad for Brian Tierney’s car site back in December and early this year. (It’s at right if you, like, weren’t watching the Rose Bowl or something.)

Well, Kevin Michael, the star of that Phillycars.com ad, is back. But he’s not just back. He’s going to be the next great superstar. You heard me right. The kid from the Phillycars.com ad is on Downtown Records, the label that broke Gnarls Barkley — aka “Crazy,” aka the song that was ubiquitous last summer — in a project they’ve dubbed “The Kevin Michael Project.” (His real name is Kevin Michael Seward.) The article reads like some sort of joke piece. Honestly.

Jessica Pressler writes in this month’s Phillymag about said Kevin Michael project, and, um, oh my God. My brain exploded about 15 times reading this article. The whole idea is to make Kevin “Phil! A! Del! Phia!” Michael a brand and so he can become a big superstar on the level of Michael Jackson or Beyonce or something.

I can’t even really explain the entire article — I’m still reassembling pieces of my brain right now — but there’s so much here I can excerpt some things in charticle format.

• Kevin Michael on how he can branch out after becoming a big star: “I’m really focusing on branding myself right now. There’s so much to do. You can act, model, start fashion lines, sell things on QVC. The possibilities are endless.” Pressler: “[S]urely Prince never spoke of QVC?”
• His father is Henry Seward, but goes by the name Ric Star. He’s had some run-ins with the law — “Not like killing anyone or armed robbery or anything like that” — and has been Michael’s manager since Michael was little and singing backup for Star’s own band after sneaking into clubs.
• Michael compares his father to the father of the King of Pop: “It was like Joe Jackson without the beating.”

• Before just becoming Kevin Michael, the next great superstar was going to go by Neo. Whoa.
• His debut album, due this summer, features guests such as Lupe Fiasco, Q-Tip and Wyclef Jean, who I think has to be on every third album released contractually.
• On his future: “I’m going to be The Man of the Internet. It’s the wave of the future.”
• From the article: “[A]n employee at Downtown has created an avatar for Kevin on Second Life, a mind-boggling and popular online “world” where a virtual Kevin Michael will perform and sell virtual CDs to other virtual people for actual money.”
• Oh, and lots of stuff about “leaking” tracks to music blogs so people think they’re hearing a new undiscovered hit musician when in actuality it’s all been planned like this.

Okay, I can’t do any more. I’m done. If the Phillycars.com guy has the ubiquitous hit of the summer I think I’ll have to quit this blog or something. It’d be just too much to handle.

Is This Kid About to Be a Star? [Phillymag]
Jan. 2: Phillycars.com Ignites City With New Anthem