Leftovers: Mercury Notification Rising

• No more Morey’s tickets down the shore, the Wildwood piers owned by the Morey family have phased them out in favor of smart cards. Meanwhile, SEPTA is planning on changing to paper tickets any day now. [Citizen Mom]

• The School Reform Commission zzzzzzzzzzz. [Inquirer]

• You will soon be allowed to know if your dentist put mercury in your mouth! [KYW 1060]

• From a Bulletin letter to the editor, disputing a column advocating steps to combat global warming: “I wonder, Mr. Meyer, do you know the world use [sic] to be a lot warmer? Did you know Greenland was once green?” [The Bulletin]

• The NAACP filed a police brutality complaint against (who else) the police. Although the cops say they were assaulted, apparently six people have come forward to say they were beaten. Jerry Mondesire is involved, which means he’s apparently tired of being the worst football analyst ever. [KYW 1060]

• Oh, yea, it was code orange day for ozone. Might want to… uh… do something about it. Stay inside I guess? I dunno. Damn you, O₃! [6 ABC]

DJ Jazzy Jeff Releases Greatest Track Ever

DJ Jazzy Jeff released his new album last week. It’s full of guest spots — “Prince Paul approach to recording,” Craig Lindsay wrote in PW — and skits and pretty decent beats.

But the best track on the album is no doubt Track 7, “Practice,” featuring J Live. Here is the opening to the song:

It took almost five years, but somebody finally turned that Allen Iverson press conference into the best sample the recording world has ever seen.

Road To 10,000 Losses: Replay, Replay

Road to 10,000 Losses is a countdown to the Phillies’ 10,000th loss, coming sometime later this year. With a4-3 loss to the Diamondbacks last night — the last of a three-game sweep by Arizona — the Phillies stand at 9982 losses, only 18 away from 10,000.

Hey, the Phillies played the same game they previously played against the Diamondbacks again! (Ow. That sentence made my head hurt.) Point is, though, last night’s game against the D-Backs was pretty much the same as Monday’s: Phillies trail by a run or two most of the game, let the game get out of hand late and then rally but lose in the end.

Monday, the Phils were down 3-1 going into the ninth. Ryan Madson gave up 2 runs. The Phillies scored three in the bottom of the ninth but lost, 5-4. Last night, the Phils were down 1-0 going into the eighth, Jamie Moyer stayed in to pitch and gave up three runs in the 8th. The Phillies scored three in the bottom of the ninth, but lost again.

Last night’s goat was Michael Bourn, who pinch ran after Pat Burrell singled home Jimmy Rollins to make it 4-3. Bourn stole second on a 2-2 count with Ryan Howard at the plate pinch hitting. Howard lined the 3-2 pitch right to second baseman Orlando Hudson, in shallow right field with the “Howard shift” on. Bourn was running on contact and got doubled off second to end the game.

Of course, this team makes a lot of mistakes. A lot of stupid mistakes, mental ones, ones that shouldn’t happen once a player gets to the, oh, I dunno, major leagues. An observer might call them “the stupidest team in baseball,” but that would probably be a little nice. (Incidentally, “the dumbest collection of 25 individuals in history” is a bit harsh.)

But whatever. Shane Victorino is a guest DJ on XPN tonight at 8! Yes!

‘Phillymag’, Starring: You!

This month’s Phillymag contains an article about everyone’s favorite city-sponsored blog, uwishunu, and the entire marketing of Philadelphia to the outside (tourist) world. It’s also about Steven Wells going to Iceland, a guy finding an anvil in Chinatown and “Caroline Bean, a good-looking 26-year-old with a subtle diamond stud in her nose.”

As such, it touches on the little Philadelphia soirée Philebrity and uwishunu held during South by Southwest in Austin earlier this year. And then there’s a little jab at Philebrity’s Joey Sweeney by Phillymag for appearing in an ad Phillymag’s ad department came up with. And then there’s this:

“[H]is recent appearance in a breathtakingly cheesy Philadelphia magazine advertisement supplement… had bloggers and other professional Philly haters on their knees thanking God for the material: “What a fucking douche,” chimed one. “Welcome to the new millennium folks, where having actual wealth is no longer a qualification to be a ‘power couple,” said another. “Selling out is the new in.”

Anyway, those comments by “bloggers and other professional Philly haters¹” are none other than three anonymous comments left on this February Philadelphia Will Do post! Gasp, I know. I know youse don’t comment here all that much — perhaps its my, um, acerbic wit — but just look what you can get.

¹Are there other “professional Philly haters” other than bloggers/writers? If so, how do I get a job as one? I’m thinking I could just walk around Center City and tell people off, and then somebody could give me money. I mean, writing’s okay and all, but if I could find a way to do fewer work than I am now, I’d jump — well, slowly walk — at the chance. Either that, or Phillymag has discovered the secret: “Daniel McQuade” is actually a copyrighted invention of Review Publishing and it’s actually several guys writing this site, who are indeed bloggers and professional haters.

Fish Turns Tables On Fisherman

One of the sad things about fishing is that the fisherman rarely get bit, except by mosquitoes or whatever. Wouldn’t it be fun if every once in a while a fish jumped out of the water, wiggled right up to the fisherman … and then died, most likely. But I bet it’d scare the fisherman.

Well, there actually are fish that will come over and bite a fisherman. It’s none other than the creepiest fish in the world, the northern snakehead. This fish can live outside of water for long periods at a time and the young can move by wiggling across the ground.

And, at least in Philadelphia, the Northern snakehead can bite a fisherman.

Casting a plastic lure through layers of duckweed, he fishes for the Northern snakefish, an illegal immigrant from Asia that showed up locally several years ago and quickly took over.

“I went to rinse my hands off and the fish just up and took my two fingers down its throat,” Lewandowski said. “And as I lifted my hand the fish just came about a foot out of the water and then released. ”

“I just looked straight down the fish’s throat,” he added. “My heart was in my mouth!”

Ha ha, I was right! It would scare the hell out of a fisherman!

Local Fisherman: Snakefish Swallowed My Fingers [NBC 10]

Allentown Hippies Safe From Bear Attacks

Breathe easy, stoners of the exurbs! You are now free to play disc golf without the threat of black bears.

A black bear — not to be confused with a cougar, a coyote or a puma, other frequent (”frequent”) area terrorists — was seen in the Lehigh Valley area, eating out of bird feeders and scaring away salmon.

But tensions reached new heights when he was spotted on a disc golf course at Upper Macungie Park, leading a coalition of stoners, hippies and stoner hippies to protest for a bear patrol. Now they may play their impossible sport in peace.

Black Bear Caught Near Lehigh Co. Disc Golf Course [CBS 3]

Yes, People Are Still Making ‘Brokeback’ Parodies

A group of Montgomery County College students won a county smoking-prevention contest; the ad the group made for the contest was slated to air on MTV.

Only, now it’s not, because the state refused a grant for the ad because it’s a parody of Brokeback Mountain. The state says it’s not because of the content (or that Brokeback is almost two years old now) and actually because the “message was lost.”

This is pretty tough to figure out:

The winning commercial shows a cowboy standing near a pickup truck, trying to sever ties with a cigarette. The commercial ends with the cowboy saying, “I wish I knew how to quit you. Why don’t you let me? It’s because of you I’m like this.”

The cowboy shows his teeth, now brown from smoking.

Uh, yeah, this does seem like it could be a pro-smoking message. (Oh, the ad was also “hard to hear.”) The ad, which wouldn’t have stopped anybody from smoking anyway, might still air on TV if the Coalition for a Tobacco-Free Montco can get private funds.

You don’t want to know what the ad based on Showgirls was like.

‘Smokeback’ ad will not air on MTV [The Intelligencer]

Chase Utley® Trains With Myoplex™

I recently came across an interview with Phillies second baseman Chase Utley in April’s Maxim magazine. Like most interviews with athletes in non-sports publications, it’s basically just a chance for the athlete to plug whatever company is paying him to say things like, “The most important thing for any Phillies fan to do is bank with Citizens!”

See if you can guess which company sponsors Chase.

How do you stay in shape in the off-season? I mean, anything between workouts, diet, whatever.
I take about a month off after the season is over, and then I start training. I train about four to five times a week all the way up to spring training, which is about 12 weeks or so. I use the Abbott Nutrition’s EAS [EAS is under the Healthy Living brands of Abbott Nutrition/Ross Products Division] Myoplex shakes. I’ve been using the EAS products for maybe three years, probably going on four now. I’m big into the Myoplex shakes.

Do you notice a difference with them?
I do. Well, for me they’re easy and convenient. And they give me the fuel that my body needs, especially in the off-season. And they taste good.

Hmm. I think he endorses Powerade.

The Chase Is On [Maxim via The Zo Zone]

Just Wait ‘Til The Christians Attack ‘Weeds’

Joe Murray is one of the Bulletin’s more rational columnists, perhaps the only one. He’s a conservative, but unlike other Bulletin columnists, he writes an argument and tries to convince you of his point. Shocking, I know.

Still, there are times when it seems like he hasn’t quite done all of his homework. For example, yesterday he wrote a column about Bill Maher making fun of Catholics. Apparently, Maher made fun of Catholics on his HBO show and they (and other Christians) are such an oppressed group they can’t do anything about it.

Or can they?

Christians constitute over 80 percent of the American population and could potentially have a great amount of influence over Maher’s advertisers.

Yes, I am sure Home Box Office is really worried all of Maher’s advertisers are going to flee.

Maher’s Comments Draw Ire Of Religious Groups [The Bulletin]

Abridged ‘Daily News’ Columnists

Michael Smerconish: Hey guys, I know you already decided what to do at 6th and Market, but how about I make a suggestion now?

Stu Bykofsky: A guy who was a City Councilman for over a decade won the mayor’s race, so that means people picked an outsider!

Ronnie Polaneczky: I like breaking into hospitals.