Apr27 |
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Happy Birthday, Zombie Barbaro!
You won’t believe what is Sunday is: That’s right, it’s Barbaro’s birthday! Despite the fact the horse died in January, he’s still alive in the hearts of people posting on Internet messageboards, and this Sunday there will be a big celebration for the horse at Delaware Park. I can only expect Barbaro to rise from the dead on this fateful day, but I guess we’ll just have to wait.
If you remember back to the Field Guide To Barbaro Messageboard Factions, you’ll know that this horse who won one important race and didn’t finish in the other (and didn’t even run in the third) made people cry a lot directly after his death. In fact, this post below, speaking in the voice of Barbaro, made people cry, too:
Barbaro needs to take a fucking typing class. The Barbaro fanatics have been able to channel their grief and rage into more than just messageboard crying, as well, raising $250,000 for laminitis research and, I ‘unno, saving “about 580″ horses. I don’t know what they saved them from — All together now: “the glue factory!” Ba-ZING! — but I suppose those horses are happy to be alive. If they were human, that is, they would be. The Barbaro messageboard website still receives 6,000 hits a day, and it really makes me happy to know I have a bigger audience. Phew. What’s going to happen at the big Barbaro bash?
The fans of Barbaro are going to race? Sweet! That’s pretty cool. Do you think, just as a twist, the horses will ride the Barbaro fans this time? As for Crumb, I don’t think people are going to be saying goodbye to Barbaro anytime soon. For example, he’s going to be honored at the Kentucky Derby. Oh, and there are Barbaro wristbands — a la Livestrong — which read: “LIVE THE MOMENT/BARBARO/JUST BE A WINNER.” Barbaro, of course, won one important race and lost the other important one. Where the eff is my Smarty Jones wristband? At least he won two races and led another before blowing it on the backstretch. Big celebrations planned for Barbaro’s birthday [AP/MSNBC.com] |
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And you need to take a f-in class in how to be a human being.
And your point is?
Is this rant supposed to be funny?
I’ve heard of beating a dead horse, but beating a dead horse in a column to try to be funny is rather pathetic. Did you run out of real ideas?
At least the horse left people who admire him, do you think you will?
ITS A FUCKING HORSE PEOPLE
Thanks Dmac, some things just never stop being funny.
Maybe Milton Street can sing a song about Barbaro at the track.
Would zombie Barbaro want to eat people brains or horse brains?
I don’t know who set up this page, but it is disgusting and if anyone gets to heaven from what I read here, it will be Barbaro. He’s more human than you all are.
<3 sulane
And will there be parties for you when you die? I think celebrations of your death is more likely. One needs a heart to have it touched.
were these parties held at a glue factory?
Oh, man. Racing FOBs. My head might explode just over the amount of POTENTIAL humor here.
And the post from Barbaro? Beautiful. *sniffs*
If horse meat was tastier, no one would be upset over Barbaro’s death.
What is interesting to me is that you actually know how many hits Barbaro’s message board is getting. “Methinks he doth protest too much” Sniff, sniff…Do I smell a closet Barbaro lover?