Downright Dangerous To Public Sanity

It’s been a little bit since I’ve checked in with Chris Freind, America’s Best Columnist™, and see what earth-shattering commentary he’s been writing about in “Freindly Fire.” His column title is based on his name, if you didn’t know.

As you may remember, last time we all saw America’s Best Columnist, he was sending out a press release about how he had exposed the hypocrisy of people attacking Don Imus. He also promised an “explosive challenge” to Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and Bruce Gordon.

Well, well, well! How did the challenge go? I’ll take a look at that and a few other recent bits by America’s Best Columnist after the jump.

• His challenge column is actually an open letter to Sharpton, Jackson and Gordon. He goes on about how they were mean to the Duke lacrosse kids and how they haven’t denounced rappers who say “ho” and “bitch” enough to suit him, America’s Best Columnist.

  He then calls on Gordon — who’s an exec at CBS and the former NAACP prez — to stop playing offensive rap lyrics and maybe that Johnny Cash song where he says “I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.” (”Folsom Prison Blues.”) Because, as Freind writes: “In fact, ask any police officer and they will tell you that such lyrics can be downright dangerous to public safety.”

  Downright dangerous to public safety! Oh, he also signs the open letter, even though it’s a column and probably has his headshot and all. And he signs it “Steadfast.”

• The next column is about Jon Corzine and why he’s a bad person for speeding. Public officials are supposed to follow the law, blah blah blah. You know this drill. Oh, Corzine put both Freind’s readers’ and Freind’s lives in danger by driving so fast, even though I don’t remember being in New Jersey that day.
  

  The hypocrisy of officials who engage in such activity only continues the erosion of public confidence in government. Why can the chief law enforcement officer of a state go through red lights, drive on the shoulder in traffic jams, and exceed the speed limit by thirty miles an hour, for no legitimate reason, without fear of penalty or punishment? (Not to mention violating state law by not wearing his seat belt). The domino effect then comes into play, for if the governor justifies such practice, so then will mayors, commissioners, and dog-catchers.

  That’s how they do it in banana republics, but we don’t expect that kind of behavior here.

  It is a “policy” that can and should be stopped. By doing so, it will eliminate a huge risk to citizens by preventing such accidents.

  A huge risk! I can’t remember how many times I’ve been driving home, stuck in a traffic jam because some fucking governor crashed his car.

• Then he has this column about how the millions of the readers of America’s Best Columnist were angry at his column about Arlen Specter because Chris Freind’s dad ran against Specter or something. I dunno, I sort of lost interest. I did notice, though, that the new term, apparently, for pro-lifers to call pro-choicers is “pro-abort.” It’s always good to be on top of the trends.

Archives: Chris Freind