Apr13 |
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Beating, Thanking A Dead Horse
Oh, just when you thought the news was all Don Imus and Jon Corzine comes the news about two new important bills pending on Capitol Hill. Our Congresspeople have gotten together to propose two Barbaro-related bills. Well, the first bill doesn’t mention Barbaro at all, but it is a ban on eating horses. (Well, it’s the actual clever workaround of banning eating horses by banning the transportation of horses for slaughter. Same thing.) And, of course, we would never know about this bill at all if not for Barbaro. Now, I have absolutely no interest ever in eating a horse. First off, I bet they taste like shit. And anybody who wants to eat a non-Barbaro horse is a little off in my book. But I believe every American should have the God-given right to eat whatever animal they want, even bald eagles. (Especially bald eagles! What better way to celebrate freedom than by eating it!)
How, exactly, did Congress come to the conclusion Barbaro’s athleticism was “unparalleled”? Did they race him against Carl Lewis in a simulator and decide Barbaro was the greatest athlete ever? Did Barbaro dunk a basketball over Shaq? How many 50-goal seasons did Barbaro have? (Answer: 3.) How was Barbaro’s spirit less wavering than, say, Adam Taliaferro? Is there a quiz the candidates for “least wavering athlete” had to take? Exactly why does Congress need to thank Barbaro for capturing the imagination of racing fans in America and around the world? I assume they mean to assert that racing fans in America are unhinged kooks and who knew what they’d do if they didn’t have an heroic horse to rally around and post poems about. But around the world? I can only guess this means Islamic terrorists were going to attack the U.S. Congress building, but were distracted by Barbaro’s plight and decided to lay down their arms instead. Would a horse understand a human being’s thanks? Check that: Would a dead horse understand a human being’s thanks? Above Average Jane has a nice rundown of the Barbaro bills, including a list of what the local reps co-sponsored.
Hmm. They’re all guilty, all of ‘em — though I commend Bob Brady for supporting Barbaro but thinking people should be allowed to eat him — although Murphy and Schwartz get a little bit of a pass for not co-sponsoring That Damn Horse’s tribute bill. Those two will be Pennsylvania’s two senators one day, you just watch. A Horse Of A Different Color [Above Average Jane] |
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Allyson Schwartz, Barbaro, Bob Brady, Chaka Fattah, Jim Gerlach, Joe Sestak, Patrick Murphy, U.S. Congress
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In Philadelphia it has been illegal to sell horsemeat for human consumption since 1973. When beef prices spiked upward early in that year some entrepreneurs offered an equine alternative; after the ensuing hubbub died down City Council eventually got around to taking Mister Ed off the menu.
Barbaro was an amazing horse who won the hearts of many. His was a story of bravery and he was a hero for laminitis. In this dark hour of war, it seems that a miracle is as far off as the end of the war, and Barbaro almost overcame the impossible, a horrid diease that took the life of ‘Big Red.’ Even when deadly ill, Barbaro fought and defied the odds. He will always be remembered.
Did Barbaro follow his ROY season with the MVP?
Neigh, I say!
The Imus story is just another reminder of how this country has jumped the shark and is on the way down, to be remembered as once great but no more. People appreciated the story of Barbaro because he was a great athlete who doesn’t need to be measured against any other. What we lost with Barbaro’s death was one uplifting story of hope and courage. Would you eat your dog or cat? Then don’t eat a horse. They’re not cattle, or can’t you tell the difference?