Sam Katz Angrily Responds To Idiot Blogger

In case you didn’t notice it, former mayoral candidate Sam Katz wasn’t all that happy with my post about his mayor’s race blog for Phillymag’s website. Apparently, I didn’t take his blog seriously enough or something. Here’s what he wrote:

Sorry you don’t like the blog but that’s why there are plenty of choices for you to post your thoughts on. Notwithstanding your historical re-write, my perennial runs were in 1991, 1999 and 2003. Dilworth left office in 1962 (I was 13). In any case, I will try to keep your suggestions for more insightful analysis in mind though, I suspect, you are not one whose mind is open to insight. As for wishing I didn’t know anything about blogs, rest assured that won’t be the case. I can live with the critics. Can you?

I usually don’t respond to critics in the comments, because they’re usually either (1) right or (2) Barbaro/pet lovers threatening to kill me. Also, there’s usually more important things to do, like play Final Fantasy. But after confirming it was actually Sam Katz — I was kind of hoping for a Katz impersonator myself¹ — I decided to respond. Additionally, I added some explanations in footnotes at the bottom of the post in case Sam Katz decides to read my blog again.²

I was originally going to write about Sam Katz yesterday, because what better day than Easter to write about a Jew rising from the dead!³ But, y’know, Final Fantasy.

I’m not quite sure what the taking criticism line is supposed to mean. Did my joke about how all blogs are awful⁴ make me seem like I’m not someone who handles criticism well? Is there something odd about someone posting a semi-pissed off note in the comment section of a blog that has recently run headlines such as “Breaking: Bob Brady Kills Witness, Tom Knox Hates Katrina Victims⁵” and Brady: Knox Sold Poison Milk To Schoolchildren⁶“? What would have been a better post? “Sam Katz Starts Incredible New Mayoral Blog⁷,” maybe, but I don’t see how that would attract many readers nor have something as hilarious to happen to it as Sam Freakin’ Katz posting a note in the comments.

I hope this clarifies something, though it probably will just lead to more angry comments. Oh well!⁸

¹ The joke here is meant to have the reader chuckling to himself or herself about the possibility of someone signing on to my blog and posting as a pretend Sam Katz. This is rather unlikely. Although Katz is a public figure, he hasn’t run for mayor lately and would be unlikely to attract enough attention for an impersonator to pop up.
² This is what is known as a “theme joke.” Instead of having to come up with several clever ideas, I come up with one reasonably clever idea — i.e. since Sam Katz posted in the comments clarifying he did not run after Richardson Dilworth’s term expired, an obviously farcical statement, I figured I would explain every joke in this post. It saves me from having to come up with new material and allows me to write simply factual statements that might make the reader laugh anyway.
³ I am in no way suggesting Sam Katz actually, literally rose from the dead. Christians believe Jesus, a first-century Jewish carpenter who Christians also believe is God himself, rose from the dead after three days on Easter Sunday. Sam Katz, who according to his Wikipedia page is also Jewish, hasn’t been in the public eye in a while. Katz’ “resurrection” is actually his return to being in the news.
⁴ This is not a joke. All blogs are awful.^9
5 During Tom Knox’s ballot challenge to Bob Brady’s candidacy, a witness from a union was nowhere to be found, while Brady complained about how he couldn’t be in Washington for a vote on Hurricane Katrina relief funding. By saying Tom Knox hated Katrina victims and the union-connected Bob Brady killed the witness, I was hoping to evoke at least a smirk from the reader, since those two scenarios are obviously untrue.
⁶ After Tom Knox (and Dwight Evans) challenged Bob Brady’s candidacy in court, Brady spokeswoman Kate Philips said the following about Knox: “We don’t need a political sideshow engineered by a man who’s never helped anyone a day in his life.” This statement seemed a bit over the top, and so the headline was meant to be even more over the top. Like all good jokes, the headline was stolen from The Simpsons.
⁷ The joke here is coming up with the exact opposite of what my post actually was. Instead of lightheartedly poking fun of Katz for the first entry or two on his new blog, I hoped to convey images of a very upbeat post about Sam Katz; this post would stress the qualities that make Sam Katz a good blogger and comment on his excellent hygiene.^10
8 Endings like this happen when I realize I’ve exhausted what I want to write about for the post — there wasn’t much to respond to in Katz’ original comment — and don’t have a way to end it. They’re not meant to entertain; they’re meant to get me to be able to move on to the next subject.
⁹ I constantly harp on blogs, because (1) I don’t feel like this blog is all that good and (2) a lot of blogs really do suck. They’re full of knee-jerk reactions, annoying prose and even more annoying commenters. Also, everyone takes everything way too damn seriously. Obviously, not all blogs are like this, and there are several blogs I enjoy. But the joke will continue, because I like the idea of a blogger whose only real stance is to hate blogs.^11
10 The term “excellent hygiene” is another joke. While I am sure Katz does have very fine hygiene — unless he has that disorder — even in a post of praise for Katz it would be very out-of-place thing to comment on when I was talking about what a great blogger he is.
¹¹ This is another joke. I also have the stance of “liking Final Fantasy.”

April 6: Sam Katz: The Mayor’s Race Might Be Close!