Week In Will Do: All-Out Meta

• Another week, and I’m still here! The Daniel McQuade Deathwatch was only updated a few times this week, but what updates they were: I applied for a housesitting job in addition to breaking some, uh, actual news.

• This was also week one of another season of disappointment from the Phillies. Indeed, after letting us know Chris Wheeler would be on TV 24/7, the Phils blew the opener, then blew the second game, then — just for fun, really — got steamrolled in the third game. This left the local nine only 41 losses from 10,000 in the franchise’s history. The Fightins somehow won last night, so the countdown remains stuck until tonight, when they will most certainly lose.

• CBS 3 moved to a new, murder-prone headquarters and taught us far, far too much in Newscast #1.

• Meanwhile, Miss Philadelphia came up with a better plan to slow the city’s murder rate than any politician.

• Penn kids pirated a ton of movies, most of them featuring songs by Third Eye Blind.

• In Jersey, a heroic father rented his daughter out to Dateline for fake sex, while a Burlington High School saved students from crusaders, who promptly whined to the media.

• St. Joe’s journalists got in trouble for joking about Nazis and murder. Oh, and for joking the church might want to prevent deaths in Africa. Ha ha, as if Catholicism would have that!

• And in even more pointless complaining, some Bucks County residents want a new ZIP code even if it costs everyone billions of dollars.

• There’s an election coming up, too. Milton stayed on the ballot — for now — and blamed many, many different people for the challenge. Meanwhile, Michael Nutter promised to improve the smell of SEPTA while Tom Knox proves he has appeal because he’s on TV a lot.

• And speaking of politicians, Vince Fumo had Richard Sprague’s aides do his laundry for him. But of course.

• Finally, Sam Katz launched a blog saying the mayor’s race might be close. Then he actually whined in the Philadelphia Will Do comments section, which is simply too funny to come up with a witty remark here.

Yes, I’m back to writing about me, the only acceptable subject. I’m hop, hop, hoppin’ on out of here. Enjoy your weekend, and have a joyous Easter if that’s your thing.