Bristol Residents To Remain Full, Fat

A McDonald’s is opening in Bristol. This isn’t just any McDonald’s, though, it’s the first “Starbucks-like” “upscale” McDonald’s in the Philadelphia area.

(Please note, if you were asked, “Where will the first upscale McDonald’s open in the Philadelphia area?” and you answered “Bristol,” I’m impressed.)

The store will replace an existing McDonald’s, and will have more space and be more like Starbucks. I’m not quite sure how this works, but apparently Americans have tired of eating fatty foods in disgusting restaurants and want to do it in a little nicer place.

Although the new McDonald’s will be larger, the burgers will remain the same size — and remain fatty:

Councilman Joe Szafran took issue with the location of a Dumpster on the property, which the restaurant agreed to shroud in shrubbery. Szafran also wondered aloud about the nutritional content.

“You going to get rid of the trans fats?” he asked.

McDonald’s officials laughed at the question but did not respond.

Ha ha, you puny humans and your desire to not die of heart disease.

McDonald’s to build upscale restaurant on Bristol Pike [Bucks County Courier Times]