Principal Arrested For Dealing Meth, Scrubbing His Skin Until He Can Get All The Giant Spiders Off

The principal of a middle school in Bethlehem has been arrested for allegedly being a meth dealer. Cops say 50-year-old John Acerra sold crystal meth to police informants three times this month.

Now, why would a man in a such a low-paying position of middle school principal attempt to make extra money in the occasionally high-paying profession of illegal drug sales? Oh, wait. Police say Acerra used and sold crystal meth for at least five months before his arrest, and had meth on his desk when he was arrested.

Cops originally found out due to a police informant. After witnessing a drug deal, the cops arrested the dude who bought the drugs, who then wore a wire in order to catch the principal dealing and eradicate meth from Bethlehem forever. Acerra, of course, sold the meth from his office.

Police asked the confidential informant about the principal after some curious special days at the school, like “Stay Up For Three Days Straight Day” and “Holy Shit They’re Closing In On Me Day”, not to mention “The Dogs, The Dogs, They’re All After Me Day.”

Nitschmann principal in meth bust [Allentown Morning Call]
Reports: Principal Busted For Selling Meth In School Office [NBC 10]

Abridged ‘Daily News’ Columnists

John Baer: Oh my God look who would win the presidential election if it were held today in Pennsylvania! Of course, to hold the presidential election today would mean there was some sort of coup against the president by people weird enough to take control of the country and then simply move up the regularly-scheduled election two years. I dunno, that seems kind of unlikely.

Jill Porter: Wow, a real life story was not black-and-white. However, please note this is one of the first times a Daily News columnist has realized an issue is not black-and-white.

Philly Love #64: CBS 3

I don’t know what it takes to label an interview with Milton Effing Street — also interviewed here and here and here and here and probably a few hundred other places, too — exclusive, but I do know it takes a lot of it, whatever it is. Good show, CBS 3. Good show.

CBS 3 Exclusive: Milton Street Interview [CBS 3]

Leftovers: Flyers Get Lilliputian Goalie

• The Flyers traded for 6-2, 174-pound goaltender Martin Biron today, because what they really need is another goaltender. But as my friend Tim pointed out, uhm, someone must have shrunk his head sometime a few years back. This is good, as cash-strapped Comcast can use a thimble instead of a goalie helmet, therefore saving on costs. [ESPN.com]

• Friends of the local nude American Idol contestant have come to her defense. “It’s not her in some of the photos!” they say. The people of the Internet responded by liking her a lot less now that it’s not her in that porn. [AP/Philly.com]

• The Real World production company is attempting to help solve the boy-in-the-box murder with a band of idiot reality show contestants. Exactly how am I not making this up? [Philebrity]

• Study: Vanity on the rise among college students. Study: The propensity to point out the obvious on the rise among researchers. [AP/CNN.com]

‘Metro’ Drops Some Funky Shit

I’ll spare you some sort of annoying joke (”joke”) along the lines of “Oh yeah contributing to the horrible, pointless drug war surely is the right thing to do”, because, well, eh, I’m in a good mood and don’t want to get into a worse one. But I will say this: I am glad that I live in a city where the only daily newspaper that would print “shit” in a pretty much unedited form — when you use “sh-t,” you’re pretty much using “shit” — is the fucking Metro. At least one paper in this city doesn’t treat us like we’re five. Well, in this instance, at least.

Democrats Wasting Money Faster Than Republicans

Hey! Do you know much aides in state government make? If you’re reading this blog, there’s a good chance they make more than you! (Note to potential advertisers: This is a joke. The average income of a Philadelphia Will Do reader is approximately $200,000, all of it in disposable income.)

Figures released yesterday show the Democrats, surprise surprise, pay their employees more than the Republicans do. The Republicans, on the other hand, make their employees work Christmas Eve and don’t give them health insurance, leading to the death of 17 children named Tiny Tim. Also all of the Democratic employees are illegal immigrants.

House Democratic employees are costing taxpayers $34.5 million a year for their 835 employees, with an average salary of $41,261.

House Republicans, on the other hand, are spending $30.9 million on payroll annually for their 839 employees, with an average salary of $36,912.

House Democrats handed out $1,854,505 in bonuses last year to employees, nearly seven times higher than House Republicans’ $269,661.

The difference was reversed in 2005, when House Republicans handed out $649,661 in employee bonuses, compared with House Democrats’ lesser $468,271.

You know, the Republicans have done a nice job of winning the spending (or, if you wish, wasting) money war on the national level. But it’s good to see that, at least in this state, the Democrats are still on top of their game. My philosophy is: The more the government spends money, the funnier it gets. So, really, these totals can only mean good things for this blog.

House Democrats paying staff more than Republicans [Bucks County Courier Times]

Suburban Radio Station Praises Suburban Candidate

This morning, future mayor of the combined city of New South Jersadelphia — “The City of Brotherly Something Or Other” — one Milton Street showed up to talk about his campaign on 610 WIP. But of course, you say! Right. The Inquirer’s very own award-winning headline writer, Peter Mucha, liveblogged the whole thing, which is a pretty nice service for those of us who don’t want to listen to it.

The brief recap: Cataldi says he’s supporting Street and “his brilliant new strategy.” Milton’s brilliant new strategy, apparently, is to tell black people to stop killing each other: “You’re never going to take white’s folks taxes… and put ‘em in the black community so black folks can stop killing each other.” Well, ehm, okay.

Milton Street also is backtracking on his promise that if 5,000 people don’t show up at his rally March 3 at City Hall, he’s going to drop out of the race. He says that just a lot of people will do.

Despite not living in Philadelphia, Cataldi says Milton Street has his vote. (Yeah, I’d put in the “well if Milton can run for mayor while living in Jersey” joke here, but Cataldi already made it.) Then, after the interview, former Eagles defensive end/ambassador of fun/Terrell Owens attacker Hugh Douglas became the voice of sanity:

“That was a shame. That was a shame. I don’t even know what to say after that … You know, two crazy people on the radio shouldn’t talk to each other. … It’s ridiculous. I can’t believe you did that.”

Anyway, I feel that since Cataldi is a Milton Street supporter, he should go the extra mile and run on his ticket for the position I just made up, Vice Mayor. Hey, if an indicted New Jersey resident can run for mayor, I don’t see why a suburban radio host can’t run for a made-up position. Cataldi is expected to run on a platform of tax breaks for Steven Singer and tax-exempt status for wing-related events.

If you have a better stomach than I do — oh, who am I kidding, I was up at 6 to listen to it — 610 WIP has the whole thing up as an MP3.

Milton on the Morning Show [610 WIP, .mp3]
Live From… Milton Street’s Mouth [Live From...]

Rich Person Amuses Self With $2.3M Baseball Card

Yesterday, the owner of the most famous and rare baseball card — the Honus Wagner T206 from 1909 — sold it for a record $2.3 million.

There were only a few cards produced, because Wagner asked the company to stop making them. But the T206 variant purchased yesterday (right) was extra rare because some jokester used Photoshop 0.1 to put in Teddy Roosevelt and the late Ed Delahanty into the card.

Mantle, President Bush Photoshopped Into Jeter’s Baseball Card [Sports Collectors Daily]
Honus Wagner baseball card sells for record $2.3 million [AP/CNNSI.com]
T206 [Wikipedia]
Ed Delahanty [Wikipedia]

The Following Obit Headline Presented Without Comment

Thomas Caputa Sr., 84, a fan of flea markets [Bucks County Courier Times]

Keystone Cops: Before There Was Dick In A Box…

Keystone Cops is a daily look at crime, police, public safety and drug news. Homicide totals are unofficial.

• Yesterday was the 50th anniversary of the “boy in the box” murder, Philadelphia’s most famous — and, really, strangest — unsolved mystery. No one has ever figured out who the boy is, who murdered him and put him in a box and pretty much anything else in the case. It’s all very strange, but, I mean, whoever murdered him is possibly dead, right? Which kind of makes it sadder, I guess. [Inquirer]

• Seventeen people were arrested at a brawl at Camden High yesterday. “They were using nightsticks and hitting us for no reason,” said Izzy Tomlinson, a senior. “It was one little fight turned into this big thing — they Tased children.” Except Jersey cops aren’t allowed to use Tasers, so… uh… do they have them? The cops say no. Kids? Lying to make themselves look better? Well I never! [Camden Courier-Post]

• Police seized 40 bags of crack in an undercover drug deal in Bensalem. And, as such, the supply of drugs in our area ended for good. [Bucks County Courier Times]